


Strands of Color

by BeaconMineshaftII



Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Female Character, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Crying, Depression, During Canon, F/F, F/M, Family, Family Angst, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Infertility, Lemon, Men Crying, Miscarriage, Music, Post-Canon Fix-It, Pregnancy, Romantic Fluff, Sex, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:46:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22845805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeaconMineshaftII/pseuds/BeaconMineshaftII
Summary: Taylor Thomas has had issues coming to terms with her past and has effectively shut herself away from the world as much as she can. One day that changes when she meets Sam Porter Bridges. This is their story.
Relationships: Clifford Unger & Original Female Character(s), Deadman & Original Female Character(s), Fragile/Original Female Character(s), Heartman (Death Stranding) & Original Female Character(s), Higgs Monaghan/Original Female Character(s), Lockne & Original Female Character(s), Mama & Original Female Character(s), Sam Porter Bridges & Amelie Strand, Sam Porter Bridges & Clifford Unger, Sam Porter Bridges & Deadman, Sam Porter Bridges/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	1. Introduction

_Strands of Color_ relies heavily on the Death Stranding Universe and some details are left out and dependent on the knowledge from that universe. However, anything relating directly to the story is at least summarized. Hideo Kojima, obviously, tells it better. There are recap videos on YouTube or a wonderful wikia page for Death Stranding that is helpful. Each chapter is titled with a song that I listened to while writing _Strands of Colors_ but doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the chapter itself.

Enjoy! :)


	2. Death In My Pocket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Death In My Pocket" by Machine Gun Kelly

It was a day just like any other. The sky was clear, the landscape was silent. There were no animals scurrying about, no trees blowing in the breeze. I dug my boots down into the earth beside my shelter and let the sun hit my face. I felt a small tug at my heart. Emotions that weren’t my own were starting to cloud my judgement. Breathing out, I pushed them away, centering myself as the rain began to fall. My hood automatically came up to protect my face from the Timefall. Instead of sulking inside like I normally do, I waited. Two figures came into view. I recognized one instantly. Fragile. The second was a mystery, though he carried a BB, which peaked my interest. My DOOMS level is high enough that I never needed one to navigate around the world. So I had never seen one.

“Long time no see, Fragile,” I greeted when they were close enough to hear me. Fragile smiled lightly, showing she had been uncertain how I would receive her.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d be pleased to see me,” she admitted as I leaned in to hug her.

“I’m always pleased to see you,” I reassured her. She released me, holding my hands and studying me. She opened her mouth to say something, but I held up my hand. “It seems you’ve been followed. Inside, please,” I motioned to my prepper shelter. The light above the door turned red as it swung open. Fragile cocked her head slightly, questioning if the person that followed them was who she thought it was. “It is.”

The wind started to pick up as the rain came down harder. I stared out into the storm, my mouth falling into a frown as my gaze hardened. I could just make out his silhouette in the distance. I couldn’t resist such an opportunity. I concentrated on the emotions rolling off of him. Rage. Loneliness. Self-assuredness. I pulled them into myself, feeling the rains weaken slightly before flicking my hand and sending them back to him. He lost his footing, falling backwards as his own emotions hit him square in the chest. I closed the door behind me without checking on him. I wanted him to know I was indifferent.

Fragile was standing in the doorway with the man I didn’t know. “That was quite the show.”

“He’ll be fine, his ego is just bruised,” I shrugged, wiping beach water from my nose. As if on cue, the shelter shook from a gust of wind before falling silent. “Nothing like your ex-wife to push your buttons, huh?”

Fragile scoffed, following me into my laboratory.

“I assume that you’re retrieving some equipment for Mama?” I asked the porter, looking him in the eye. He looked both surprised and confused. 

“Actually, he’s here because of me,” Fragile explained. “This is Sam Porter Bridges. Sam, this is Taylor--I’m sorry, I don’t actually know your maiden name.”

“Thomas,” I replied, smiling lightly. “Thank you for not using Monaghan. That’s difficult for some people.”

“I’ve tried suggesting it several times.”

“So has Mama. Die-Hardman isn’t the most receptive,” I shrugged. I turned my attention to Sam, studying him.

“So you’re Sam Porter Bridges. I’ve heard a lot about you.” I glanced at his BB, tapping the glass lightly. It immediately lit as the Bridge Baby looked at me, eyes wide and curious. I smiled, cooing at it and gently rubbing my finger against the glass. The BB looked at me and giggled, wiggling excitedly.

Sam said nothing, studying me.

“Alright, what can I do for the two of you?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t really plan out what to ask for,” Fragile admitted. “I didn’t think you’d entertain us.”

“Well you aren’t Higgs. I don’t have many more restrictions other than that,” I shrugged.

“Understandable.” She hesitated. “I need your help--we need your help.”

“The two of you or the UCA?”

“Can’t it be both?” Sam asked, breaking his silence and studying me.

“It can, but that might change my answer.”

“I thought you worked for Bridges?”

“ _ With _ ,” I corrected. “Mama’s a friend. So I help her when she’s stumped.” I noticed his cufflink. It was out of date. I hit a button in it and took it off of his wrist before he could even react. Fragile’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “It’s out of date. You haven’t been to see her lately, have you?”

I tossed it into a nearby recycler, where it immediately began pulling it apart for anything salvageable. I moved some papers until I found the replacement, slapping it on his wrist. He flinched a bit at my abrasiveness.

“Sorry, too hard?”

“It’s,” he paused, “fine.” Weird delay for such a mediocre response. I shrugged.

“This one has one of the latches coated in chiral. You can use it to sneak up on BTs and cut their cords. This will  _ permanently _ release them.”

“Permanently?”

I nodded. “It’s chiral laced with, well, Sam’s blood. We’ve tried a few other candidate’s blood, but yours reacts the best.”

“Any others react well?”

“Yes, but Higgs is not a sustainable source and I’m not consistently around enough to be a donation source. It’s why Mama’s insisted on taking transfusions of your blood while you’re asleep,” I explained to Sam. “It’s been really helpful in research. What level DOOMS are you?”

“Two,” Fragile answered for him.

“Interesting, I would’ve guessed much higher. Maybe it’s because you’re a repatriate. Your blood has chiral levels of someone with at least a level seven DOOMS.” I tapped on the virtual keyboard in front of me, pulling up a holographic image of Sam’s blood. I pointed to a few abnormalities in the double-helix. “These deposits here? Those are chiral deposits. I pulled up the holograms of Higg’s blood as well as my own. They were all slightly different. “I’m anemic, so my blood isn’t as strong. And Higgs...well, his is as strong, but I don’t think he’ll willingly donate it.”

“Mama never explained it this much,” Sam admitted. He looked curious.

“She usually doesn’t. I explain too much to compensate. Die-Hardman usually makes excuses not to be present for my briefings. Amelie likes them, though. She’s always interested in what I find out.” Fragile furrowed her brows at me while Same nodded.

“She’s a good listener.”

“Not as good as you, clearly,” I teased lightly. Fragile snickered, trying to politely hide it behind her hand. I looked at Sam, studying him. He wasn’t hiding anything other than a deep pain. “I’ll help with whatever you need,” I decided.

“You haven’t even heard what we want,” he said suspiciously.

“I can see BTs and I can feel the emotions of everyone around me,” I replied, staring him in the eyes. “You’re the most honest person that works at Bridges. So I trust you.”

“What about me?” Fragile teased, bumping my shoulder. I laughed.

“You introduced me to Higgs, but you didn’t know who he was either. You couldn’t have known. I should have known.” She shrugged. She didn’t hold it against me either.

“You didn’t want to invade his privacy. Neither did I.” I smiled bitterly, grabbing her gloved hand and giving it a squeeze.

“We’ve both paid our prices. Now it’s time for him to pay his, yes?”

“Yes,” she nodded.


	3. Wolves (Song of the Shepherd's Dog)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wolves (Song of the Shepherd's Dog) by Iron & Wine

It had been a few days since Fragile and Sam had shown up. Fragile had gone to stay elsewhere but Sam had been staying with me the last few days while I got everything in order, mostly wrapping up what I had been working on for Mama. Our first delivery would be taking things to her. Sam had also connected my shelter to the chiral network. And Higgs hadn’t come back. He was probably licking the wounds of his ego. At this point in his life, I’m sure that he hates me. Not that he ever loved me. He just pretended that he did. And he got off on the fact that he had managed to fool and betray me to such a degree. I’m not sure why he left when he did, only that his powers had grown en masse for his exit. Fragile didn’t know either. But she was just as angry as I was.

“You sure that’s everything?” Sam questioned as I handed him two small pieces of cargo.

“That’s the big stuff, I have the small things,” I replied, pulling my necklace out of my suit. It had three memory chips on it. “This’ll help Mama immensely.” He grunted in reply. We stepped out of the shelter, the door locking securely behind us. We began the journey in silence. I’ve learned that Sam is a man of few words. Which is fine with me, sometimes it’s nice. And right now it was nice. The weather was clear, it wasn’t too cold, and the air smelled of only nature, no chiral junk.

We managed to avoid tripping any of the mule camps or getting caught in any BTs and made it to Mama’s shelter in record time, just over four hours. She let us in as Sam unhooked his BB, surprised to see both of us. “Well this is a surprise, Taylor, you never leave your mountain,” she smiled. She noticed our cufflinks. “Oh good, you’ve already upgraded. You make my job so much easier. That makes me feel better about leaving.”

“Leaving?” I questioned. She nodded, absentmindedly grabbing the BT cord coming out of her stomach.

“It’s time.” Sam seemed surprised but I was worried. I’ve never been able to sense her emotions. I knew it had something to do with the BT baby attached to her, but I wasn’t sure if my assumptions were correct. She saw my hesitation and shook her head. “You’re right. But it’s time.” Then, to Sam: “Take me to Lockne.”

Sam plugged BB back in, readying his cufflink to sever the cord. 

“I’m sorry, Mama,” I said softly. She shook her head, her eyes sad. She held her deceased baby to her chest one more time. Sending it as much love as she could muster.

“It’s time. Just do it.” Sam hesitated as she released the BT baby into the air. “Do it.” He glanced at me before slicing through the umbilical cord. Mama steadied herself on the table, catching her breath. She seemed smaller, weaker.

“I’ll take the cargo and take it to Lockne,” I told Sam, grabbing it off of his back. “You’ll have to carry Mama.” She nodded. I retrieved one of the body transport bags before helping her into it and then helping her lay on the floor. I zipped it for her, my hand lingering on hers. She shook her head, smiling as she tried to hold back the tears.

“This is why I never had you visit. You’d have been able to see right through me and the baby,” she whispered, a single tear falling from her eye.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you to Lockne. She’ll be glad to see you.” Mama nodded. Sam knelt as I helped move Mama onto his cargo carrier. I kept her steady as he stood. The sound of rain caught my attention. “Well that’s unfortunate.” I deployed my hood, as did Sam.

“Let’s go,” he nodded. It wasn’t until we were outside that I realized it was an ambush.I was barely able to drop the fragile cargo inside of the shelter before my legs were seized by some BTs. They pulled me down into the tar, bringing me to HIggs feet, keeping me on my knees.

“Taylor!” Sam yelled, anger staining his voice. It caused red to flash before my eyes, making me breathless and dizzy. Higgs growled softly to himself, his own rage growing. His was a crimson-tinted-orange. It was disorienting. I was secretly glad I wasn’t standing. I didn’t want him to see me fall. Again. As if sensing how comfortable I was on the ground, Higgs yanked me to my feet by my arm. He was wearing his golden mask, getting close enough for me to feel his breath on me.

“Now you’re one of Fragile’s little pets?” He reached into my hood, bringing my hair to his face and inhaling. “You don’t smell like strawberries any more.” He shoved me away. He was hurt. Somehow, out of all the shitty things he’s done to  _ me _ , he still thinks he’s the victim and I’ve gravely betrayed him.

“I thought that was always a fantasy of yours?”

HIs mask flew off without him touching it as he glowered at me. Immediately, however, he realized what I was doing and recoiled from me.

“No, not again. You don’t get to do that again,” he pointed at me, causing the BTs to drag me back to Sams’ side. Mama looked at me in surprise. Sam, however, threw a hermetic grenade onto the ground in front of us. I closed my mouth, shielding my eyes as his blood coated everything around us. The BTs shrieked and retreated. While Higgs was distracted, Sam pulled me to my feet, studying my face. I nodded, reaching around him and grabbing two grenades from his grenade pouches. I handed one to him, taking the other in my hand. We pulled the tabs at the same time, hurling them at Higgs. Bullseye. 

“Ugh, Sammy Boy! Taking the side of my ex-wife. I’ll remember this,” Higgs hissed between his teeth before disappearing. Sam and I waited tensely until the weather cleared.

“Well now we all need showers,” Mama joked.

“Sorry,” Sam reddened a bit, stepping further away from me.

“It was a joke, Sam. That was quick thinking.”

“Sorry, Higgs just wants to fuck with me...and apparently you,” I apologized, feeling guilty again for not knowing how terrible of a person Higgs was when I had fallen in love with him. Sam shook his head.

“That ain’t on you,” he said gruffly, trudging on ahead. I stared, perplexed. Mama shrugged as best she could. I shook my head, throwing the discarded cargo onto my back and following at a slight distance, lost in thought.


	4. Drifting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Drifting" by Alexz Johnson

By the time we reached Mountain Knot City to see Lockne, we were freezing. I shivered as Sam laid Mama on a table. As soon as Lockne and she joined hands, Mama’s soul left her body. I saw it settle in Lockne. Two halves of a whole together again.

“What--I swear I didn’t,” Sam began, distraught.

“You didn’t,” I confirmed.

“No, you didn’t,” Lockne nodded. She looked at me. “You and I will be good friends, I think. Mama thinks so, too.”

“She’s been a great friend to me,” I nodded.

“I know.” She turned back to Sam. “Mama is here,” she held her hand to her heart, “and here,” her hand moved to her head. “We’re one again. Why don’t the two of you rest up for the night, we’ll talk more tomorrow.”

“Thanks, I could definitely use a shower.” I couldn’t see her mouth, but I got the feeling Lockne was smiling as she wheeled Mama’s body away. I completed my delivery, sharing the microchip data after Sam brought the facility into the chiral network. Sam and I stepped onto the platform, descending into the facility beneath the ground. We went our separate ways to the open private rooms. Immediately, I kicked off my boots, dropped my empty cargo pack, and began to strip down for a shower. I haphazardly tossed the dirty clothes into a hamper before stepping into the shower chamber. I let the warm water run over me longer than I usually would, remembering the rage in Higgs’ face. Despite the warm water I shivered.

I turned the water off, allowing the chamber to dry me. Throwing on some clean clothes, I laid down, covered myself with the provided blankets, and fell into a fitful sleep.

Though I was asleep, I opened my eyes on a beach. It was unfamiliar and it made me uneasy. Where was I? I stood, naked, despite having gone to sleep with clothes. My face was wet. I touched my cheeks. Tar. Beach water. A plane flew overhead and an artillery shell exploded beside me. But it was in a different world. It didn’t hurt me. What is this place?

I turned, feeling someone staring at me. There was a man standing, watching me. He looked like military, but not as old as the planes in the sky. He studied me, eyes narrowing slightly. He reached out to touch my face. He was cold.

“Who are you?” He dropped his hand. “You aren’t Lisa. But you have her face.”

_ “Taylor, wake up.” _

I woke up screaming. The door to my room was kicked in as I scrambled off of the bed and against the glass case across from it. I was covered in tar and I was crying. There was also blood on me but it wasn’t mine. I pictured the man. He had been covered in blood. I pulled my knees to my chest, putting my head on my kneecaps, and tried to stop the panic attack. It’s been so long since I’ve accidentally slipped into a beach. I’ve been so good about it. So careful. Fucking Higgs. Fucking Bridges. Fucking BTs.

“Taylor,” a voice said softly. It was Sam. He was worried. But also calm. I reached out, squeezing his hand, drawing on that emotion. He winced, letting out a hiss of air. Normally I’m more gentle, but he must have felt me probing him, taking pieces of his emotions. I let go, still shaking slightly.

“Sorry,” I apologized. My voice sounded small.

“I heard you screaming,” he ignored my apology, sitting down in front of me. “What happened?”

“I slipped into a beach when I was asleep. Not my beach. I don’t know where it was or whose it was. There was a man. And planes and explosions. Blood.” I held my head in my hands, staring at the floor. “Who the fuck is Lisa?”

Sam stiffened. I looked up at him, tears still streaming down my face. He was also crying from the chiral on me and in the air. “Tall, light hair, gaunt face? Dressed like a military officer?”

A chill ran down my spine. “Yes. You know him?”

“He tried to take BB once,” Sam shook his head. “All I know is his name is Cliff. Hardman hasn’t found out much. I have no idea who Lisa is.”

As if on cue, Hardman appeared in my room, though as a hologram. He looked at us and then the door. Sam grunted, getting up, and shutting it. Hardman flicked his wrist, taking all of our cufflinks offline.

“Sorry, I overheard. Any time Cliff is mentioned, it notifies me in case anything happens.” He looked at me. “I...take it something happened?”

I reiterated what had happened. He listened quietly, looking perplexed.

“Well, Cliff was a Bridges employee. War Veteran--and a good soldier. He left the active line of duty to assist in the BB project. He was married to a woman named Lisa. I haven’t been able to find out much else.”

I frowned. “So he thinks I look like his wife?”

“That would be my guess,” Hardman nodded. “I’ll try and find out some more information if you’d like? It might make you feel better.” I nodded.

“I got out of one crazy marriage, I don’t need some dead guy thinking I’m up for another,” I grumbled, standing. I felt a little dizzy but better. I definitely needed another shower.

Deadman chuckled at my quip before flicking his wrist again and leaving us. A lot of people find him strange, but I like him quite a bit. I always talked to him, Mama, and Heartman the most. Die-Hardman was only when necessary. Something about him always mildly creeped me out but I could never put my finger on it. I slowly slid back down onto the ground.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked, his blue eyes studying me, trying to detect any subtleties in my face that might signify a lie. 

“No,” I replied honestly. I was afraid to go to sleep again. I hadn’t felt this way since I had managed to leave Higgs. That wasn’t easy. Higgs doesn’t just let people walk away from him. I had to break him before he broke me. With how much his powers had grown, I always thought he could have come and taken me away at any point. He probably could have. But I’m sure I wounded his ego too much to want to keep me. I hadn’t been able to sleep for more than an hour at a time after we split. Fragile had helped look after me. She felt guilty for introducing us in the first place. I felt guilty that he took so much time away from her and I hadn’t seen it. Eventually Higgs grew tired of messing with me in my sleep. It stopped being fun to him or he got busy and ‘just didn’t have the time.’

I ran my hands through my long, curly red hair. It was soaked with a mixture of tar and blood.I stared at my hands. I hadn’t even realized that Sam had left until Fragile was there with us. She knelt and took my hands with her bare hands, making me focus on her.

“I can take it from here, Sam. Thank you,” she dismissed him softly but firmly. When he left, she sat down with me, still holding my hands. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was just like when Higgs used to pull me into his beach when I was sleeping. I had no control over anything.”

“It wasn’t Higgs this time, though, was it?”

“No, that wasn’t Higgs.” My head was clearing, I was becoming more grounded. “This man was,” I paused, focusing on my memory of him. “Sad. Angry. Lonely.”

“Sounds like Higgs,” she raised her eyebrows, a smile playing on her lips. I gave a wry smile.

“Not as erratic as Higgs. Or as shallow. This man...Cliff? His emotions were deep. Like a man who has lost everything and keeps trying to get it back but keeps having his hopes taken away from him. He’s lost. Maybe that wasn’t even his beach,” I guessed, leaning my head back to look up at the lights in the room.

“That is possible. Heartman and I both walk through different beaches.”

I nodded.

“Sam told me that...Cliff...touched you?”

I nodded again but tilted my head to the side before sitting up a bit straighter. “A woman told me to wake up. But I couldn’t place the voice. I still can’t.”

“That is different,” Fragile noted. “I’ll stay here as long as you need, why don’t you get a shower. I’ll clean up the bed.”

“Just like old times.”

“Just like old times.”


	5. Heavy In Your Arms [Contains Nudity]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Heavy In Your Arms" by Florence + the Machine

By the time I had finished washing all of the chiral tar and blood from my hair, Fragile had cleaned up the tar and blood from the room. She even restocked the cryptobiotes. I put on another set of clean clothes, laying down on the bed. Fragile laid down next to me, putting her arm on me. “I’ll be here the whole night. Just try to sleep.”

I nodded, closing my eyes. With Fragile there, I fell asleep easily.

In the morning, Fragile was still there, asleep. I got up, careful not to disturb her, and put on some shoes and a jacket. I needed a walk outside. It was still early, the air was heavy with frost. But it wasn’t tainted by Timefall. I inhaled deeply. It smelled clean, fresh. I started walking down the path on the hill until I came to the river. I found a decently comfortable looking rock and sat down, watching the water as it ran. The tension in my shoulders began to relax. I didn’t have to work as hard to keep other people out if they weren’t around. There was only one person I could still feel. Sam. He was walking closer.

I turned to see him at the top of the hill. He hadn’t noticed that I had seen him yet. He was trying to navigate the rocky path without falling flat on his face. “Early riser?” I asked once he was on safe ground. I dipped my boot into the water.

“Usually,” he admitted. I moved over on the rock so he could sit beside me. He hesitated before sitting, careful not to touch me.

“You don’t have to be afraid to touch me,” I said softly. “I’m sorry I was so rough yesterday. I couldn’t control it.”

“Oh, no, it’s not,” he sighed but didn’t relax. “It’s not you, it’s me. I don’t...like...touching people.” I looked at him curiously. “I have aphenphosmphobia.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said quietly. He shook his head, relaxing slightly.

“They’re taking Lou to fix him. They said he’s veered too far into the realm of the living because he bonded with me.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I scoffed.

“Apparently it makes him function less. I still need him.”

“It’s still ridiculous. That seems like a design flaw to even allow that to destroy the integrity of the product.”

“You can fill out a complaint form with Bridges inside,” he said, pointing up at the facility, his eyes dancing with humor. I stared before laughing, nearly falling into the river.

“Sam Porter Bridges. Was that humor?”

He grinned, fully relaxing and leaning back to look up at the sky. We sat there in silence a bit longer before deciding to go back in when the sun broke through the mist. I grabbed some breakfast for Fragile and I and returned to my room while Sam began looking through his orders. Fragile was just getting out of the shower when I returned. She inhaled, smelling the warm food as soon as I entered.

“You’re a wonderful human,” she smiled. We sat on the bed, eating, and casually chatting to catch up about life since we had seen each other last. We had essentially been doing the same things. Work, work, and more work. After we were done, she offered to take the plates back to the cafeteria on her way out. I hugged her goodbye before she left. As I was checking my emails, a knock at the door startled me.

“Come in,” I said, skimming the subjects to see if there was anything urgent needing my attention. There was one from Die-Hardman. I opened it without turning to see who was coming in the room.

“I see Die-Hardman didn’t bother to ask,” Sam said. I frowned as I turned to him.

“Guess I’ll be your BB until Lou’s feeling better.”

“I’m sure you can talk your way out of it.”

“No, Higgs won’t come up in the mountains. He’s a baby about the cold. Besides, you can’t see BTs and I can.” He hesitated. “I’m fine. It’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Sam, I’m never sure about anything anymore. I just do them and see what happens.”

He looked like he couldn’t work out if I was joking or serious.

“I’m serious.”

“Well, I guess that works out for me then.”

“I guess so. Just give me a few minutes to get ready. I’ll meet you upstairs.”

He nodded before leaving me alone in the room. I still felt uneasy being alone in here. I shook the thought from my head, heading across the room to the protective suit hanging behind some glass. I put it on, followed by my boots, and put some hair ties around my wrist in case I needed to put my hair up.

When I came up the platform elevator, I found Sam waiting by the delivery terminal. He looked like he was carrying entirely too much.

“Do you want help?”

“No,” he grunted. “I’m fine.”

I stared at him for a few seconds, allowing him to go by me. Once I was sure he was too focused on trying to not fall down the ramp out of the facility, I took one of the packages from him and put it on my back. He turned around to protest.

“I’ll just keep stealing it back if you take it back,” I informed him stubbornly. He grunted, looking disgruntled, and shifted his weight before continuing up the hill. That’s what I thought.

“So where are we going?”

“The Roboticist,” Sam replied, sounding less strained than I would have thought. I pulled up the map on my cufflink and let out a low whistle. 

“She’s  _ all _ the way out there, huh?”

Sam didn’t reply but continued pressing forward. We made pretty decent progress before some ominous looking clouds started to roll in. Our hoods automatically deployed as it began to snow. We exchanged glances before continuing forward. Before we got very far, our batteries went offline, taking several seconds to come back. Sam pushed ahead before they came back before stopping. I continued in front of him, dropping to a crouch and scanning the horizon. It was difficult to see in the snow but it looked clear.

And then I saw them. A line of BTs around some buildings that were part of a voidout at some point in time. I held up my hand for Sam to stop. He flicked his cufflink open, readying the chiral end to cut some cords if need be. I held up five fingers, looking at him to make sure he was paying attention. He was. I flicked my cufflink open, readying the chiral end. Slowly I began to creep forward, motioning for Sam to stay behind me. When we were close enough, I pointed to him and then pointed forward before covering my mouth and nose to hold my breath. He nodded, doing the same and creeping forward while I targeted the BT beside the one he was going for. In unison, we slashed through the air with the chiral coated cufflink end. The BTs we released let out a shriek, dissolving as they released into the air. 

Sam grabbed the chiral crystals that appeared as I kept watch. None of the other BTs were moving. So they’re stationary, not the sentient kind. Good. We continued the process until we found a timefall shelter near the outskirts that we took refuge in. It deployed some container repair spray, our hoods retracting. I took the time to stretch, trying to ease the adrenaline tension in my muscles. Sam took the time to inspect the sky while I did so.

“Looks like it’ll clear up soon.”

“There were a lot of them. More than I’ve seen in a while.”

“Die-Hardman said that it’ll be worse the further west I go.”

“It’s hard to imagine anything can be worse than it already is.”

“Always manages to be worse.” I said nothing, watching as the snow finally stopped and the sun began to peak through the clouds. “C’mon, let’s get it done.” 

I nodded, following Sam as he began scaling up some rocks nearby. Thankfully we didn’t run into any other BTs or fall down the mountain.

“Should be just up ahead,” Sam pointed. I nodded, a bit out of breath. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just not used to this,” I said, gesturing vaguely everywhere. He chuckled.

“I’ve walked up worse.” Without waiting for a reply, he began to scale up some more rocks, shooting me a grin as he did so.

“You little fucker,” I muttered under my breath, following the path he had taken. Until I got up to the last part. I was too short to reach where had had climbed up onto flat ground. I looked around, trying to figure out where I could climb up. There wasn’t really a good spot for me to keep my footing and pull myself up...and going back wasn’t an option. I’ll just have to try and jump. I took a deep breath, held it, and pushed up off of the rocks beneath my feed. I didn’t make it.

Before I fell, Sam’s hand grabbed my arm. I grabbed his other hand as he pulled me to my feet. He immediately let go once I was safe.

“You okay?” he asked, eyeing me without making eye contact.

“Yeah, thanks to you,” I nodded, swallowing hard and looking behind me at the mountain I almost fell down. My voice didn’t hide the adrenaline and fear causing a slight shake in my hands.

“Well, we’re here.” He took the cargo I was carrying, holding it in his hand. “There’s a hot spring around the corner over there. Why don’t you go rest in it while I take care of this?”

“That’s not a bad idea.” I trudged through the snow, making my way to the hot spring nearby. I set my cargo carrier on the ground, placing my clothes on top, and crawled into the hot water before me. 

_ “Oh, it’s perfect,” I cooed, running my hands through the hot spring before me and turning to face Higgs with a grin on my face. There was a gentle smile on his face.  _

_ “I thought you’d like it,” he replied, closing the gap between us and nuzzling my neck. _

_ “How did you find it?” I asked, putting my head on his chest. _

_ “I know you like them, so I asked around until someone’s directions actually panned out.” _

_ I chuckled, stepping away and unzipping my suit. Higgs followed my lead, allowing me to pull him into the hot spring with me. A rare moment alone to relax without needing to worry about anything. _

I shook that memory away, ignoring the twinge of pain it caused in my chest, staring at the steaming, still water before me. Higgs hadn’t always been the way that he is. Unstable, yes, but not...cruel. I don’t know what happened to change him into the way that he is now. The more powerful he became, the more people with DOOMS he met, the more harsh his words and actions became. Whether or not he ever loved me is something I still haven’t figured out. I shivered. It’s all hard to think about.

Sam cleared his throat behind me. I turned to find him covering his eyes. What a gentleman. 

“You can uncover your eyes, Sam. I’m covered,” I assured him.

He hesitated before lowering his hand, still avoiding looking at me. I turned around, splashing water up onto my neck.

“Well, are you getting in? It’s just a hot spring and clearly you’re one of the last gentlemen alive.” I shot a teasing smile over my shoulder, which made him relax. I closed my eyes, giving him a sense of privacy. He settled into the hotspring on the side furthest from me.

“This is nice,” he admitted.

“Isn’t it? The mountains are beautiful when we aren’t climbing them.” He followed my gaze. Several minutes of silence passed before he broke it with a sigh.

“Lou would love this.”

“The BBs can use hot springs? Don’t they have to stay in their case?”

“Well yeah, but I always bring Lou in with me.”

“That’s sweet.”


	6. In The Water I Am Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "In The Water I Am Beautiful" by City And Colour

It was week three of travelling with Sam. We were at the last facility we needed to connect before he could get Lou back. I handed him the cargo I was carrying while he checked in the order. The Spiritualist was pleased to see us and didn’t give us any hassle about signing up with the UCA like some of them do. As soon as Sam was finished hooking it up, his cufflink rang. It was Deadman. Lou was doing better and we could go get him at a resting facility nearby. We grabbed a few pieces of outgoing cargo while Sam picked up the orders at the delivery terminal. The facility was about halfway from the Spiritualist and Mountain Knot City. Should be easy enough.

We made it there in record time--going downhill is always easier than going uphill. But it didn’t seem quite right. The wind was raging. I shielded my eyes from the wind to get a better look. There was a cyclone over the facility. Just as I opened my mouth to warn Sam, I was swept off of the ground and up into the wind.

“Oh shit--SAM!”

I didn’t hear anything else as I was sucked into the eye of the storm, darkness overtaking my vision.

I was cold. And wet. And sore. I opened my eyes, half expecting to see Higgs. Instead, I was in the middle of a city square. Tar was everywhere. I was on a beach.

“Halt,” a man’s voice said from behind me. I turned, eyes wide. He made a motion for his skeletal soldiers to stand down. He extended a hand, studying me. “I won’t hurt you.”

I hesitantly took his hand. He pulled me to my feet easily, towering over me in the same way that Sam does. Wait, Sam. Where is he? Is he here?

The man put his hand under my chin, lifting it and turning my face side to side. Cliff. That’s what Deadman said his name is. Is Deadman here, too? And Lou?

“You aren’t Lisa. Who are you?”

“Taylor,” I answered, studying him. He was covered in blood and tar. The smell of cigarette smoke hung around him. I haven’t smelled that since my own father was alive. “Cliff?”

He nodded.

“Where am I?”

“The beach,” he replied simply. Great, I already knew that. “I have to find BB.”

And then he was gone. He teleported like Higgs does now. I stared, wide eyed, as the soldiers and tanks around me ignored my existence entirely. Well he won’t kill me, I guess. I reconnected my cufflink. It rang immediately. It was Sam.

“Taylor! Jesus, I’ve been trying to call you. Deadman and Lou are in here, too. We all got stuck in the storm.”

“Cliff is here, this is his beach, I think,” I disregarded what he was saying. “Where are you?”

“I’m heading to the clocktower. Deadman is in the sewers underneath it.” I looked around, spotting it easily. The opposite way that Cliff was heading. Shitty sense of direction doesn’t improve with age, I guess.

“I’ll meet you there.”

“Be careful.”

“You be more careful. Cliff knows I’m here and he didn’t seem interested in hurting me. He wants BB.”

“I know.” I hung up, turning and walking down the street until I saw a sewer entrance at the base of the clocktower. I climbed down onto the sidewalk that led into it and began trying to navigate the sewers. “Deadman?” I called, trying to feel him with my DOOMS. But everything was fuzzy here. The emotions swirled around me just as the embers had above. There’s too much here. Finally, I felt BB. I followed his string of emotions. Deadman was standing there looking terrified. “Deadman!”

“Oh thank god, Taylor,” he said in relief. He thrust Lou at me. “Take the thing, I don’t want it.”

“It’s good you don’t have it, Cliff is looking for it. Sam’s on his way.”

“I know, I talked to him.”

I soothed Lou out of habit, looking at him worriedly. He cooed happily, giving me a content wiggle. I’m glad someone isn’t freaked out by this place. Sam walked up beside me, I gave him Lou.

“You two stay here, I’m gonna go kill this asshole,” Sam said, clearly angry. I tried to shut him out the best that I could but the intensity made me wince a bit.

“You’re gonna need help. I’m going with you.”

He opened his mouth to argue.

“I’m going with you.”

He shut it and frowned. I held my hands up.

“There’s something else about him but I can’t figure it out. I want to be close to him again. With my wits about me, I can read him and find out more about him.”

“Fine, but stay back and don’t get involved if it’s dangerous.” I nodded. He handed me a handgun. “Just in case. You got a blood bag on you?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a few,” I patted the utility pouch on my suit. He nodded. I allowed him to go first through the streets, fighting his way through, while I scaled a nearby building, going around the soldiers. I saw Cliff watching Sam, taking a drag on his cigarette. Though I had stopped moving, he looked at me, locking eyes with me. He stared, his face unreadable. The emotions that swirled around him were so muted. He can compartmentalize his emotions, I realized. That meant that he could effectively shut out any power I might have over him.

He flicked his cigarette away. It disappeared into the air as an ember and then an ash when it extinguished. And then he was gone. I finished climbing onto the partially destroyed floor he had been standing on, peeking out a window to see Sam effectively turning the tables on Cliff. Cliff retreated before Sam could take him out. I tried reaching out to feel where Cliff was going to be. To my surprise, he was right beside me.

“Your boy is strong,” he murmured, looking at me. His face was covered in more blood than usual. A mixture of his and Sam’s. “Tell me, Taylor, who is he?”

“His name is Sam,” I replied. His eyes. They look...familiar. Cliff’s eyes darted away from mine, gripping his rifle. He disappeared. Sam climbed up a rock and then onto the floor I was standing on.

“Fuck, I thought I heard him here,” Sam said, his voice full of irritation. He was tired and out of blood bags. I pulled a few out of my utility pouch, handing them to him.

“He was here. Take these. I don’t think he can hurt me. Or that he wants to. I don’t know if he really wants to hurt anyone. He just wants Lou.”

“Well he’s not getting Lou.”

“If he tries to get a good look at Lou, maybe you should let him?”

“Are you nuts?”

“I’ve been told I am.” I sighed. “Look, you don’t have to take my advice. But he seems more confused and lonely than anything else. The first time I met him, he was full of rage. But now he’s just sad from what little I can read off of him. Maybe if he knows Lou is in good hands, he can rest.”

“That does make sense,” he admitted, sounding as all men sound when they’re presented with an idea other than their own that might be the correct one.

I shrugged. “Your call.”

Sam said nothing as he went to climb down the other side to find Cliff. Within a few seconds, there was gunfire. I sighed, starting to make my way over to where they were. By the time that I caught up with them, the soldiers were all dead and Cliff was kneeling in front of Sam.

Sam dropped his rifle, pulling Lou’s pod off of his chest. Cliff weakly reached up and grabbed Lou, studying him. Lou looked confused by the whole ordeal. A wave of disappointment washed over Cliff. A deep navy-purple color. He handed Lou back to Sam.

“Not my BB,” Cliff said, struggling to stand. I held my hand out for him. He looked up at me. He was crying but here his tears were tar. As soon as he put his hand in mine, I felt his sorrow hit me in the chest. My hand slipped out of his as I was thrown backwards onto the pavement.

“Taylor!” Sam called after me before squaring on Cliff.

“Not intentional,” I wheezed, the wind knocked out of me. Cliff struggled to stand before collapsing onto Sam. There was a brief struggle between the two before Sam managed to rip off Cliff’s dog tags. There was a flash of light and then everything went dark.

A faint sound of beeping was the first thing I felt. The second was pain. I opened my eyes slowly. I was in an infirmary. One of the Bridges facilities. I looked at the bed beside me. Sam was unconscious in it. What the fuck happened?

“Sam?” I questioned. He grunted, crinkling his nose before becoming still again. “Sam.” A hand twitch. “For fuck’s sake.  _ Sam _ ,” I hissed, throwing my pillow at him. I winced in pain. My neck hurt.

He sat up, looking around like someone was going to murder him.

“It was a pillow, now give it back,” I muttered. He handed it back to me. I put it behind my head again, wincing. “Do you feel as horrible as I do?”

“No, I feel fine,” he shook his head. 

“Of course you. Just my luck,” I pouted. Before Sam could respond, Lockne walked into the room.

“Oh, good, you’re both awake,” she greeted us. I couldn’t see her mouth, but I thought she was smiling. Sam still can’t tell the difference, but whenever Mama is in control, her face is fully visible. Their speaking voices also have different cadences. Most of the time it’s Mama when Sam is involved. “We were worried, after the storm all three of you just kind of ended up outside on the pavement. It’s been a couple of days.”

“How’d we get here? We were up in the mountains,” Sam asked.

“No idea, you all literally just appeared outside when the storm left.” She turned to me. “You’ve also got a concussion and possibly whiplash from some kind of impact. Sam’s totally fine though.”

“Must be from when you got thrown onto the pavement.” I winced, remembering that.

“God that guy is sad,” I said, reaching back to rub my neck. “I haven’t felt emotions like that since the day Higgs lost his mind.”

Lockne looked at me curiously before seeming to have a conversation with herself and nodding. “I didn’t realize you were that Taylor,” she said softly. “That couldn’t have been easy.” She stood. “I have to go tend to some things around the facility. But if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m around. Just call--physically or mentally.”

“Thanks, Lockne.”

“Any time,” she nodded and then left. I closed my eyes, still rubbing my neck. It was quiet but this time awkwardly so.

“Can I ask you something?” Sam finally asked. I opened my eyes, turning to find him staring at me.

“About Higgs?”

He nodded. “How long were you together?”

“Just over seven years. I met him when he was just a porter. Before Fragile. Back when he was trying to be good.” I paused, smiling sadly. “He was a lot like you, but more rough around the edges. He was broken. And I thought I could fix him by loving him more than he could love himself. But I couldn’t. And I couldn’t see what he was becoming until it was too late and he became who he is today.” I stopped rubbing my neck. “What’s funny is I think I’m more upset that he just threw everything he could be away for power more than I am that he slept with Fragile while we were still together.” I laughed. “God, that’s fucked.”

“Jesus, I’m sorry,” Sam said after a moment. “I wasn’t expecting it to be so...long.”

“It felt both very long and not long at all.”

“I guess that’s why Fragile wasn’t sure how you’d feel about seeing her again.”

“Things with her are...complicated. For a long time, she was my best friend, and then she was the other woman, and then she was with me, and then she was gone because Higgs fucked her over.”

“With you?”

“Yes, I mean in  _ that _ way. Higgs didn’t keep her around after I left and we tried to find comfort in each other. But that didn’t last very long. She felt guilty all the time for everything that happened and for everything that I was dealing with after she left. She’ll always be one of the most special people to me, but our friendship will never be the same again. We’re there when we need one another but that’s about it.”

“Is that why she knew exactly what to do the other week?”

“Yeah. Higgs used to drag me to the beach in the middle of the night and try to break me. He was usually successful. Fragile always knew how to pick up the pieces. And then Higgs tried to make her deliver that bomb. And she never came back so he stopped.”

I looked up at him, expecting pity, instead there was an expression I had never seen on him before. He was furious and sad, but also protective. “That’s not gonna happen again.”

He was so determined. There was a strength and comfort I could feel reaching out from him to me. I felt safe for the first time in a long time. I didn’t know what to say but I held out my hand closest to him. He hesitated but placed his hand in mine.


	7. Begin Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Begin Again" by Taylor Swift

Ever since our talk in the infirmary, Sam never left me alone for too long. It took about a week for me to recover and I was going crazy just staying in bed all day. I was even driving Lockne and Die-Hardman insane. Die-Hardman eventually stopped calling Sam as much just to not deal with me pestering him.

Eventually one of the nurses gave me the all-clear to leave. I left the room as quickly as possible, ready to just sprint outside. The first place I went was Sam’s room. I knocked before I realized that there were two people talking inside. Immediately the voices hushed.

“I can come back later if it’s inconvenient,” I called through the door. Sam opened it after hearing my voice, looking relieved. I saw Deadman’s hologram behind him. Sam stood aside so I could come in, shutting the door behind me.

“Oh good, I don’t have to track you down now, too,” Deadman said happily. “I was just telling Sam that I’ve managed to find more information on Cliff. His name was Clifford Unger. He worked for Bridges and he donated his child to the BB experiments after his wife became comatose.”

“That’s terrible,” I shook my head. No wonder he’s so sad.

“The details of how his time at Bridges came to end are fuzzy at best. I’m going to keep looking for more information.” He hesitated. “There is one more thing. I found a buried file about the President’s adoptive son.” Sam immediately stiffened, anger clouding his face. Did they not get along? I didn’t even know the president had a son. “He was an esteemed member of Bridges. Fell in love, got married, and was expecting a child. But his wife died and caused a voidout where he lived. Everybody died except for the son, who was a repatriate.” My mouth fell slack in surprise as I stared at Sam, watching his body language. He was not ready for this talk. “People blamed the son, thought he was responsible for the voidout. The son must have felt guilty because he stepped down from his position and disappeared.” He paused. “They were going to name their child Lou.”

“Never happened,” Sam answered gruffly.

“But it did. And it happened to you. Bridget talked about you a lot. She always said you didn’t have to cut everybody out. ‘He never had to leave us all behind.’”

“I said it never happened!” Sam said angrily, going the only place he could to escape--the shower. I stared after him, my heart going out to him. He was hurting. He’s never dealt with this.

Deadman stood looking at Lou in silence before turning to me. Sam turned on the shower despite still being fully clothed. “Don’t let him turn away from everybody.”

“I don’t know the specifics,” I admitted, “but that’s not the Sam I know. It can’t be his fault.”

“I know.”

I hesitated. “Can you find out more about the BB that was Cliff’s child?”

“Isn’t it this one here?”

“No, he told Sam and I that that one isn’t his BB. When he realized that, his sorrow was so strong that it threw me backwards onto the concrete.”

“That was the source of your injury?”

I nodded.

“Information on the BBs are scarce but I’ll see what I can dig up. I’ll let you know what I find.”

“Thanks, Deadman, you’re good people.” He smiled. “One more favor. There are files on Higgs somewhere in the database. I don’t know where they’ve been buried. But I want to see them.”

“What kind of files are they?”

“The psychiatrist kind.”

“Are you sure you want those? I’ve read your file.”

“I’ve never tried to hide that part of my life. I loved Higgs whether or not he loved me. I just want to understand him more.”

“Closure. I’ll see what I can find.” He glanced at Sam, who was hidden in the steam from the hot water. “Keep each other safe.”

“We will.”

Deadman disappeared. I stared at the shower a few minutes before walking over to it. I input one of the emergency override codes for the door, causing it to open. Sam was sitting there with his head in his hands. He wasn’t moving very much, but I could tell that he was crying.

“Sam,” I said softly. He shook his head, turning away from me slightly. Instead of turning away, I got into the shower with him and sat beside him. He began to cry harder. Gently, I put my arm around him and guided him so that he was laying in my lap. He clutched my other hand as if he were hanging on for dear life.

The shower beeped twice as the water shut off, part of emergency protocol in case it’s left unattended and someone passes out in it. I gently traced nonsense into his back to try and calm him down. Mom used to do that to me when I was sad as a kid. Which was often, usually not because of my own emotions. It took me until well into my teenage years to be able to tell the difference.

Eventually, Sam calmed down.

“Sorry if I’m too touchy. It’s the only way I know how to do anything,” I said softly, still tracing his back. His grip on my hand had loosened, but he didn’t move away.

“No, it’s nice. It doesn’t hurt when you touch me,” he replied. “I’m sorry you found out that way. I wanted to tell you, but...”

“No, I’m sorry Deadman took that away from you,” I shook my head. “You would’ve told me when you’re ready.” He sat up beside me, his arm touching mine. He looked at me, his eyes red and puffy.

“It just comes so easily for you.”

“I’ve had a lot more practice differentiating my emotions. My Mom was like me. So I had help. It must have been hard growing up with President Strand as your mom. She doesn’t seem like the most touchy feely woman alive.”

“She’s not alive any more.”

I couldn’t hide my surprise.

“I’m working with Bridges because it was her dying wish that Amelie become her successor. But Amelie is stuck out west. I have to connect the chiral network to get her back.”

“Holy shit,” I said. I sat there for a moment. “How have they covered all of this up?”

“Die-Hardman, mostly. He swore us all to secrecy.”

“Well this is definitely not what I was expecting when I knocked on your door.”

He lifted an eyebrow at me, a smirk on his lips. “You had expectations?”

I felt my face redden slightly as I became aware of how close Sam was to me. Before I could move away, Sam’s lips were on mine. I saw an explosion of colors. Blue, sadness. Orange, courage. Red, anger. So many shades of green and pink: desire, love, attraction. The over exposure of emotions was intoxicating. 

When he pulled away, I couldn’t form any words for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry, I thought--”

I cut him off by kissing him again, showing him as much as he had unknowingly showed me. He looked as dazed as I felt when I pulled away.

“I understand why you were quiet now,” he finally exhaled. “Is that what the world looks like to you all the time? That was so many colors.”

“I try to block it out, but it becomes clearer with touch or if I focus. I wasn’t quite prepared, so I saw a lot.”

“What’d you see?”

“Blue, orange, red, green, and pink. Different shades of each.” 

“They all mean certain things? Do you know what I saw?”

“No, I can’t see my own colors. That’s the one thing I can’t do. Mom could read me and I could read her, but we could never read ourselves. I can push my powers to the people I’m touching temporarily. Not quite to the same capacity that I can see and feel, but enough to be an experience. What did you see?”

“‘Bout the same. A lot of blue, green, and pink. Some orange, red, purple, and black. What do they all mean?”

“It varies a little bit. Greens and pinks are emotions dealing with love and desire, passion. The intensity of the color doesn’t always represent the intensity of the feelings. They’re tricky to read because they’re the most fleeting emotions usually. You have to actually read someone, with their permission, to fully understand the depth of those ones. Orange can be courage or anger. Red is almost always anger in my experience. Blue is sorrow, sadness. Black is stability and identity or fear. Purple is disappointment or guilt.”

He was quiet for a moment, thinking. “Can I read you?”

“I...don’t know, actually. I’ve never tried to let anyone read me,” I realized. “You’re welcome to try if you’d like. If you’re looking for something specific, you just focus on that emotion that you’ve felt yourself while you’re touching me. It should lead you to what you’re looking for.”

I held my hands out, palms up. He placed his hands over mine.

“Close your eyes, and focus on nothing but the connection between our hands.” I closed my own eyes, opening myself up to him. I didn’t have anything to hide as far as I know.

“Brown?”

“Doubt.” He grunted. We sat in silence for a few minutes. “You can ask me questions if you aren’t finding what you’re looking for.”

“Can’t you just lie to me?”

“Yes, but I won’t. I don’t have a reason to lie to you.” Because I care about you, I added to myself.

“Do you doubt me?”

“Never.”

“Fragile.”

“I don’t even know what that looks like,” I said after a minute.

“A mess,” he chuckled. “Mostly orange.” I smiled slightly. I’ve always admired Fragile’s courage.

“Red-brown?”

“Old love, love that’s died.”

He hesitated.

“You can say his name. It’s only fair for you to know where I am and where I’ve been on that.”

“Higgs.”

“Red-brown. Red. Blue. Purple. A green that’s almost black. Brown. Blood red.”

“Sounds about right.”

“I can’t name some of this. It’s like static. Fragile was like water.”

“Higgs had a bigger impact on my life. The static is confusion. The water was safety.”

He sat there a few moments, likely waiting for my emotions to return to normal.

“Sam.”

My heart skipped a beat.

“Green, pink, yellow, white, black, orange. It’s so bright. Do I have to do anything before I let go?”

“No, you can let go at any time.” He slowly pulled his hands off of mine, looking perplexed at how difficult it was to separate. “It’s the energy. Once you’re connected, it makes you want to stay connected.”

He looked at his hands before looking at me. “You’re afraid of me?”

“No, I’m not afraid of you.” I hesitated, looking away at Lou, who was fast asleep. “I’m afraid of falling in love with you, because I very easily could.” I already was, though. I didn’t need a reading to know that.

“You’re afraid of being in love with me? Because of what Deadman said?”

“No, absolutely not because of that. I’m afraid because of how fucked up I was after Higgs. I don’t ever want to repeat that.” I turned to face him. “Sam, I trust you and I’m not afraid of you.”

“I trust you, too. I don’t want to repeat what happened with Lucy either.” I smiled before standing up and getting out of the shower. The air jets dried me automatically.

“Good, now let’s go for a walk. I feel like I haven’t seen the outdoors in forever.”

“It’s been a week.”

“Forever,” I corrected. I caught a glance of myself in the mirror. “And this is what happens to curly hair when you just let the air jets dry it.” I pulled it up into a bun to neutralize the puffiness. Sam chuckled, stepping through the air jets himself. His hair hung perfectly around his face. “That is so not fair,” I mumbled, stealing one of his jackets since my room was down two floors on the “administrative” floor. I’m not actually a porter, I never have been. Nobody at Bridges’ is really bothered with titles, unless you’re a facility head, but I’m somewhere on the same tier as Lockne and Heartman. Well, I guess I wasn’t until after meeting Sam and helping him get Mama here. After that, Die-Hardman managed to talk me into actually signing on.

“Alright, ‘forever,’ where are we going?” Sam asked after he had put a jacket of his own on.

“Down by the river?”

“Down by the river.”


	8. You of All People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You of All People" by Wye Oak

Sam and I returned from our walk to find Lockne waiting for us. “Oh, good, you’re both together,” she greeted us. “There’s a special order for Sam and it’s been requested that you also accompany him.” I must have looked visibly confused. “Yes, I know BB-28 is back in commission but it’s not for you to be a human BT detector. This time it’s for a friend.”

“Wait, Heartman?” I questioned, my lips pulling into a grin. Lockne nodded.

“He said the two of you were friends but you’ve never gotten to meet in person. Die-Hardman didn’t have any issues with it as long as you don’t put yourself out of commission again.”

I nodded.

“There’s one more thing. Since technically you’re a requested delivery, I have to tag you.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

She held up a yellow tag. “I have to put this on your suit.” I stared.

“Fucking Heartman, this has him written all over it.”

“He wanted to know how you’d react,” Mama laughed. 

“Of course he did.” The three of us went back into the facility; Sam getting off on the porters floor to get ready and Mama and I got off on the administrative floor. We chatted idly about work things until we were in my private room.

“So, you and Sam are spending a lot of time together,” she said slyly. I tried to remain indifferent but I felt my face get hot. “Ha! I knew it. I haven’t seen Sam get so attached to somebody other than Amelie.”

I threw one of the pillows near me at her. She caught it effortlessly, throwing it back at me. I caught it as it hit me in the face. She grinned triumphantly. “Now tell me everything.”

“Are we sixteen?” I laughed.

“We weren’t friends then--we’d have been good friends.”

“Yeah, we would’ve been,” I smiled. “Sam’s gonna kill me for making him wait, but whatever.” I sat down with her on the bed, telling her about everything that’s happened and giggling like teenage girls. In moments like this, it’s hard to remember how fucked up the world is outside. Well, other than the fact that my best friend is in her sister’s body while her sister is also in there. But this is as normal as things get.

Eventually, I did actually get ready. Just as she and I were about to leave, there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find Sam there, looking very confused.

“It’s been an hour,” he said, looking around the room. Mama waved from the bed.

“Sorry,  Målingen  and I were catching up,” I apologized. He nodded.

“Oh, almost forgot,” Mama said, walking up beside me. She hooked the cargo tag onto my jacket. “Now you’re all set. Tell Heartman hello for me!” And then she was walking down the hallway. She paused. “Oh, and there’s a hot spring on top of Heartman’s place. Lockne says it’s wonderful.”

“That lucky bastard, he would have a hot spring,” I shook my head, looking at the tag. It had nothing other than a little heart on it. I flicked it out of my hand. “Alright, where are we going?”

“Up into the mountains.”

“We’re gonna need thermal packs.” Sam held up a container and handed it to me.

“Already got ‘em.”

“You’re wonderful,” I smiled, taking it and attaching it to my suit. “So what are you delivering to Heartman?”

“Mama’s body,” he smirked at me, “and you.”

“Ha ha,” I said sarcastically.

The trek to Heartman’s wasn’t terrible but it did take a few hours. It was closer than my shelter was to Mama’s, but it took a bit longer because it was through snow. Sam ended up having to assist me quite often so I didn’t fall flat on my face. And he didn’t resist making cargo jokes.

We reached the top of the mountain above Heartman’s place and paused to look at it. “It’s a lake that’s a heart,” I tried to catch my breath. “It’s beautiful up here.”

“Yeah, it is,” he said and then looked at me, holding out his hand. “C’mon, it’s steep.”

I took his hand gratefully, allowing him to help steady me as we descended the mountain. We made it to the bottom without injuries. Once we were at the bottom, we then had to climb up several flights of stairs to get to Heartman’s shelter.

“He’s got style,” I noted as we stepped into the lobby area. There was a full fireplace behind the delivery terminal. Sam checked the orders in while I warmed my hands.

An automated message came up, telling Sam to bring the corpse and cargo into the shelter. He followed me down the hallway and into Heartman’s lab. There were BT sculptures everywhere. An actual vinyl record was playing. And the couch was leather. There were so many books and movies. I looked around in wonder. I could stay here forever.

“Sorry I wasn’t there to greet you,” Heartman said from across the room. I turned and saw that he had been lying on something that resembled a doctor’s recliner. He flipped the hourglass on the table. He came over and gave me a hug before removing the cargo tag. “It’s good to see you in person finally.”

“It’s good to see you, too, Heartman.”

“I’m sure we have lots to catch up on, but I’d like a word with Sam first. You’re welcome to the hot spring--”

“Say no more.” I took off my cargo pack and set it by the door. As I was leaving, I poked one of the BT statues. “These are super accurate, by the way.”

“I was hoping you’d comment on them,” he grinned, giving me a thumbs up. I didn’t respond before going back outside. It didn’t take me long to find the ladder leading up to the roof and it took even less time before I had stripped down and gotten into the hot spring.

I sank down so that only my neck and head weren’t underwater, sighing in contentment. 

“I should really upgrade my shelter. Maybe I can make Die-Hardman share the schematics for this place and tweak it,” I mumbled to myself. Because every girl should have her own private hot spring. It didn’t take very long for me to fall asleep.

I woke up to someone stroking my hair, I groaned. “Sam?”

“You don’t remember me, I’m hurt,” Higgs cooed at me. I sat up straight, moving further away from him. His legs had been on either side of me, pants rolled up, and feet in the water. “This is nice. Why didn’t we ever get one of these?”

I said nothing, watching him closely.

“Oh relax, I’m not here to hurt you. I found a new toy.” He splashed some water at me. I flinched. He stared at me, his blue eyes seeming to look through me rather than at me. “I really did a number on you back when I was a younger man. Before I knew any better.” He took off one of his gloves. “Still wear my ring sometimes when I think about you. But I guess you’re not thinking about me anymore, are you, darlin?’”

I shivered, despite the hot water. Higgs didn’t always scare me. At one time I felt safe with him. But now he’s like some kind of wild, dangerous animal. Always two seconds away from pouncing and going right for the jugular.

“Guess we both did a number on Fragile,” he continued, watching me. “But I did it a little better, don’t you think? Had more equipment to play with. Wonder how much I’ll fuck Sam up before this is over?” He twirled the ring on his finger. “You gonna give him one of these? He’s not as pretty as I am, but I don’t think that’s ever mattered to you. Just the colors of his soul.”

An anger I didn’t recognize took over me. I stood. “Enough.”

He stood, eyeing me. “Ooh, a show, too. I guess you know how good I’ve been.”

I scrambled out of the hot spring and pulled on my suit without any of the clothes underneath. He sauntered up to me, brushing my hand away as I tried to zip it.

“Such a tease.” He leaned in to my neck and inhaled. I grabbed his face, with my hands, yanking his emotions from him. Rage, hurt, ego, recklessness. I pulled them into myself and then expelled them back at him. He flew off of the roof and landed with a  _ thud _ at the bottom of the stairs. I leaned over the balcony, watching him. He grinned, waved, and then disappeared. I waited a few seconds before slowing sliding down the glass fence and sitting on the roof. 

“Taylor, Taylor,” Sam said, cupping my face in his hands. I looked at him blankly, my eyes unfocused. I was shaking. “Fuck me.” He grabbed my clothes, handing them to me. I clutched them to my chest. He picked me up, forcing my arms and legs around him. Somehow, he managed to get down the ladder while making sure I didn’t let go. Heartman was waiting in the lobby. 

“Was that Higgs?”

I felt Sam nod. Heartman opened the door so that Sam could carry me in. He gently placed me on the couch. Heartman looked at the defibrillator on his chest.

“I’m about to go.”

“I got it.” Sam sat beside me, touching my back. “Taylor, can you hear me?”

I nodded, clenching my fists. My clothes were just all over the floor. I was wet and I was cold. I shivered. Sam noticed.

“Can you stand if I help you.” I nodded, allowing him to help me. He grabbed my clothes and walked me back to the bathroom. “Take off your suit and get in the shower, I’ll take it over to dry.” He turned around. I unclenched my fists to take off my suit (which was barely on in the first place) when a ring fell out of my hand. Higgs ring. I sat on the ground, picking it up between my fingers. It was actually his ring. The engraving on the inside was still there. He actually still wore it.

And then I was sobbing. I chucked the ring into a random corner of the room. It bounced with a clang and then was lost. Even while in the middle of a breakdown, I knew that it couldn't stay here. I had to leave it somewhere. I can’t just start letting his possessions everywhere so that he can come in and kill Heartman or anyone else.

“What the fuck,” Sam asked, coming back into the bathroom at the sound of me throwing the ring and crying. He got down on the floor with me, pulling me against him. I turned and tried to hide in him. Sam put his arms around me, putting his head against mine and nuzzling into my neck. He began tracing his fingers on my back like I had done for him.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but I eventually calmed down. I didn’t move away from Sam right away. Instead I stayed curled against him, just listening to his heart and the way that he breathes. 

Pushing away from him, I wiped the tears off of my face. He moved some stray hairs away from my face and behind my ear. His touch was gentle. It was nothing like Higgs.

“I shouldn’t have left you alone,” Sam shook his head.

“Higgs shouldn’t have been able to get in here,” I shook my head. “I should’ve been safe there.” He rubbed the side of my face at the jawline, looking at me.

“I don’t want anything to happen to you. I don’t want to lose you.”

I pulled him closer to me, my lips meeting his. It was in this moment that I knew I wasn’t just using Sam to get over Higgs. I wanted Sam. All of Sam. I was already in love with him.


	9. Graveyard [Explicit Sexual Content]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Graveyard" by Halsey
> 
> This contains explicit sexual content, if you'd prefer to skip this chapter, anything story related will be recapped at the beginning of the next chapter. :)

I looked at the ring in my hand, turning to Heartman. Sam was getting a shower while Lou was sleeping in his pod on the couch. “Is this destroyable?”

“A wedding band?” Heartman took it from me and looked at it. He shook his head. “No, these are chiral.”

“Fuck me, of course they are,” I grumbled.

“The only way to destroy it might be the tar lake. But the things that end up there tend to come up on the other side. So I guess that doesn’t really destroy it. It’ll just get rid of it and not allow Higgs to just jump to you.”

“I mean, it’s Higgs ring,” I clarified. “He can just jump to me whenever he wants apparently. My ring is in my shelter down near South Knot.”

He handed it back to me. “Maybe leaving it out in the mountains somewhere would be more satisfying.” I pictured Higgs teleporting to the ring and rolling down the mountain into a giant snowball. I snickered. “Higgs as a snowball? That is a satisfying visual.”

“I’d almost be okay with that run in if I got to witness that.”

“Well you did just throw him off of a building.”

“He seemed to like that though. He grinned and waved before he disappeared.” A five minute warning sounded.

“I did see that while Sam was rushing off to be sure you were okay.”

“Have you had any luck finding your family on the beach?”

“No, I haven’t,” he said sadly. I reached out and gave his arm a squeeze. He nodded, patting my hand. “Move on, Taylor. Don’t chain yourself to the past like I have.”

“You should follow your own advice.”

“If only I could.”

I smiled sadly at him as he handed me the ring back. Sam came out of the shower, looking tired but refreshed. 

“Feel like making a detour?”

He looked at the ring I was holding up and nodded. We quickly said goodbye to Heartman and left before his shelter locked for the time he was unconscious and on the beach.

“Where are we going?”

I pointed at the mountains. “Over where that voidout was in the mountains. I think he expects me to keep this. I’d destroy it but it’s chiral crystal. So it can’t really be destroyed according to Heartman.”

“So you’re going to drop it in the middle of a line of BTs?”

“You don’t approve?”

“I do, just remind me not to make you mad.” I smiled lightly as we set out. It took just over an hour and we got there just around dusk. Sam made sure I didn’t run into any BTs with Lou’s help as I dropped the ring into the snow near a line of BTs. We got out just as easily, thankfully. But it was dark now. We needed somewhere to rest for the night.

“There’s a safehouse back by Heartman’s we can stay in overnight,” Sam said as if reading my mind. He marked a spot on his map so that his compass was able to pick it up. It was only about thirty minutes before we arrived at the safehouse. We marked it as in use and descended below the surface. Sam hooked Lou up to the bridge mother network before turning to me.

Without saying anything, he closed the distance between us, his lips meeting mine. I felt the tension of being around the BTs leave my body, melting into his. Though my eyes were closed, all I could see were deep hues of pink. Desire. I struggled to pull back slightly.

“Wait,” I breathed, struggling to think straight. “This is a line I can’t cross and go back,” I struggled with the words.

“I don’t want anybody else,” he answered without hesitation. He went to speak again but I cut him off.

“I can’t have children. You need to know that,” I blurted out. That was the reason why Higgs turned to Fragile. Sometimes I wonder if life would be different if I had been able to give him the family he wanted. But I couldn’t. My body just didn’t work that way. I can’t carry children. Sam was quiet for longer than I thought he would be, surprised by the revelation. Tears began to build up in my eyes. “Say something, please.”

Instead of speaking, he kissed me sweetly. “That doesn’t change my mind. I love you, Taylor.” It was my turn to look surprised. “It scares the hell out of me, but I love you. I don’t want anyone else but you.”

“I love you, too.” That was all he needed. Sam’s lips were on mine again. Hungry. We clumsily began taking off our gear. Sam wore a lot less clothes under his suit than I did, I thought in amusement. I felt chills as I touched his bare skin. I pulled my t-shirt over my head, pressing my bare skin to his. I hardly ever wear bras. I hate how they feel.

Sam put his hands under my butt, scooping me into the air. I wrapped my legs around him. Neither of us pulling our lips away from one another until he made it to the bed. He put me down gently, pulling my hair out from its bun so that it spilled on the mattress behind me. In one swift motion, he had the rest of my suit and my boots off. Then my leggings.

“Are you sure?”

I leaned up and kissed him as a response, struggling to get his suit off of him. I had never been more sure of anything.

It didn’t take long for both of us to be out of our clothes. God, he’s beautiful. I put my hand on his face, he kissed my palm, climbing onto the bed with me and laying beside me, pulling me close so that there was no space between us. It felt like electricity between us as I kissed him, my hands wandering his body and his hands wandering mine. It was as if we were memorizing every part of each other.

Gently, I pushed him onto his back, climbing on top of him and kissing him. Breaking away, I guided him inside of me, tingles shooting through my body, making me feel warm all over. Sam sat up, pulling my face back to his, one of his hands going between us and finding my clitoris. A gasp escaped my lips as Sam bucked his hips.

At this point, my brain had switched off. All that I cared about was feeling good and making Sam feel good. Nothing else mattered. The rest of the world just faded away.

Sam lifted me briefly to put me on my back, getting a better leverage above me. I wrap my legs around him, pulling him as deeply into me as possible. I’m not sure which one of us was screaming louder than the other. He pulled out of me, collapsing beside me, out of breath. I turned to face him, brushing the hair out of his face and cuddling up to him. His arms wrapped around me as he kissed the top of my head. We were both sweaty. The room was a mess, all of the pillows and blankets were all over the floor along with our suits, clothes, cargo carriers, and the climbing equipment we still had leftover.

“Well there’s definitely no going back from that,” he said after a few moments of silence. I started laughing, looking up at him. His blue eyes danced with humor. He leaned down and kissed me. I felt safe.


	10. A Star-Crossed Wasteland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "A Star-Crossed Wasteland" by In This Moment
> 
> Recap for the last chapter if you skipped it: Taylor and Sam took Higgs' wedding ring to a BT infested area so he couldn't use it to teleport to Taylor or anyone/anywhere else without being in for a surprise. Taylor told Sam that she was infertile and incapable of carrying children. Sam and Taylor exchanged their first I-love-yous.

I woke up with a stretch, a bit disoriented as to where I was. A small smile appeared on my face as I glanced down at Sam. He looked peaceful. I got up to shower, smelling tar. Weird. I turned around and Sam was gone. What the fuck. I quickly got dressed in yesterday’s clothes, going outside. It was sunny. Where the fuck is he?

I went back inside, not quite knowing what to do. Just as I was about to call Mama or Heartman in a panic, Sam reappeared. He sat up straight, looking around wildly.

“Where the fuck did you go? What happened?” I asked, relieved that he was okay.

“I was on the beach. I saw Amelie. She was singing. I followed her into the water and then woke up.”

“No, Sam, you were on the beach. Body and all,” I said, sitting down next to him. “I thought Higgs managed to kidnap you.”

“It felt like a dream.”

“It wasn’t.” I stood and started to pull my shirt off again. This conversation was going nowhere. “I need a shower.”

“That makes two of us.” I shot a coy smile over my shoulder.

“Why don’t you join me then?” I asked. Sam followed without putting up a fight.

Our shower took a little longer than expected. 

As we were getting dressed, Die-Hardman called. “Sam, I trust you and Taylor holed up somewhere for the night? There was a pretty nasty snowstorm near Mountain Knot City.”

“Yeah, we stayed in a shelter near Heartman,” Sam answered. He was able to keep a straight face and an even tone.

“Good. I’ll have you bring Taylor back to Mountain Knot City and then head to Heartman’s for a new assignment. You have to bring the destroyed UCA-41-011 facility online. The delivery terminal should still be intact but there won’t be a facility to rest at. You’ll have to cross the tar belt to find that at the next waystation. And then there’s only one more facility before you find Amelie and bring her home.”

“Sounds good,” Sam nodded.

I came up behind Sam, kissing his back, and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Just come back to me,” I asked quietly. Sam turned around to face me. 

“I’ve got a reason to come back.” He kissed me softly, stroking my cheek while looking into my eyes, and then kissing my forehead. He held me for a few moments before pulling away. “C’mon, let’s get you to Mountain Knot City.”

I nodded, beginning to gather my gear. We were ready to go within the hour, leaving the safehouse behind. The journey back to the city was a bit easier than getting to Heartman’s but it still took a good couple of hours to get there. It was late afternoon by the time we entered the distribution center. Sam checked in at the terminal while I registered that I was here until told otherwise. I wonder if Fragile could get my things for me and bring them here. Or take me to get my things and bring them here.

“I’m going to rest here for the night,” Sam decided. “The room I’m usually in appears to be booked.”

“Stay in mine,” I offered. “If we weren’t in mine, I’d be in yours. It’s silly to pretend otherwise.” He chuckled.

The rest of the afternoon was spent lounging in my room and talking...among other things. We could have done something or gone somewhere, but I wanted to be selfish and take all of the time that I could with him. It could be a month before I see him next. 

I laid with Sam, cuddled up into his side, just listening to his heartbeat. He had one arm around me and one behind his head. I could tell he wasn’t used to having much down time because it didn’t take much for him to fall asleep. Gently, I started to remove myself from his side to get up to pee when there was a small  _ popping _ sound. Fragile stood there with one of my bags, looking utterly dumbstruck. Sam was in a pair of boxer-briefs and I was in panties and a t-shirt so there wasn’t really a way to brush it off as anything. I motioned for her to turn around before finishing getting up, grabbing my suit and throwing it on, and then pushing her out the door with me behind.

“I wanted to bring you some things I thought you’d want from your shelter,” Fragile said, struggling to find her words. Her cheeks were a light pink. “I should have knocked but I didn’t think you would be...occupied.”

“Thirty minutes earlier would have been unfortunate,” I winced at the thought. “I do appreciate you bringing my stuff though. I had been going to ask for your help with it.”

“I’m happy to help.” She looked very awkward. “This is weird.”

“Very, not as weird as the last twenty-four hours though. I threw Higgs off of a roof after he saw me naked and smelled me. He tried to leave me his wedding ring. And then he asked if I was going to give Sam a ring like his. It was a weird encounter.”

“We’ll have to catch up on that sometime,” she said slowly. “I’ll be around the next few days if you need some company. I heard Die-Hardman is sending Sam out west.”

“Yeah, I’ll be helping Lockne in the lab but I think I’m here for a while.”

“Great,” she nodded with a smile. And then she was gone again.

I went back into the room, finding Sam awake and checking his email. He looked confused. “Where’d you go?”

“Just out in the hallway. Fragile brought me a bag of my things. She did also see us cuddling, I think it was a shock for her. I don’t think she’ll tell anyone, if that’s a worry for you.” He stood and walked over to me, hugging me.

“I’m not worried about that. Unless you’re worried about that.”

“I would show you off to everyone,” I laughed.

“Then I’m not worried,” he shrugged. He leaned down to kiss me.

“Oh, oh dear, I’m so sorry to interrupt,” Deadman said, sounding surprised. Sam grunted in annoyance before kissing me anyway, just not as deeply as I think he had wanted to. Sam pulled away, pulling his pants on, and then came and stood next to me. “I, uh, found those files you had wanted, Taylor. I just wanted to let you know.”

“On Higgs or the BBs?”

“Higgs. The BBs are taking a lot longer. Though I should make more progress now that Die-Hardman can order you around instead of just me.”

“Thank you, Deadman. Did you read through them?”

“A bit. Honestly I couldn’t read through all of it. The notes from his therapist were troublesome. I’m surprised he didn’t snap sooner.”

“That’s exactly what I was looking for. Thanks.”

“No problem, just call me if you need anything.” And then his hologram was gone.

“You asked for Higgs’ files?” Sam questioned, his brows furrowing.

“Nobody else was and I didn’t know if there might be something hidden in there that might be helpful.”

“For you or for stopping him?”

“Does it have to be one or the other?” I sighed. “I know the most about Higgs, Fragile knows a good bit--and we’re still in the dark as to why he’s trying to end the world. Is it for power? Revenge? Literally nobody knows.”

“That’s fair.” I pulled up the files on my cufflink.

“There are 116 files,” I said slowly, my eyebrows raised.

“Want help?”

I hesitated. “I don’t know what’s in these files. I don’t know what, if anything, Higgs says about me in these. I don’t want this to be a problem in our relationship if you read them. I don’t love Higgs any more. He’s made sure that I can never love him or be with him again.”

“Hey,” he stopped me, grabbing my hand. “I love you and I trust you. It’s going to be weird, but Higgs literally makes it weird any time I see him.”

I kissed him. “I love you.”

He put his forehead against mine for a second before I sat next to him. I gave him access to the files Deadman had sent me. We settled in, laying back on the bed together, to read them.

We read through the files much later into the night than we had originally intended. Eventually, I turned off my cufflink. “I can’t read any more of this.”

I snuggled into his chest as he turned the files off on his cufflink. We hadn’t found out anything I didn’t already know but it was all new information for Sam. Higgs’ parents had died when he was young and his uncle raised him. His uncle was a jerk that beat him and tried to control every aspect of his life. The uncle almost killed Higgs, but Higgs killed him out of self defense. The first time he saw a BT was when his uncle went necrotic after dumping the body. At least he was honest about that--or he’s just consistently told the same lie to everyone.

“It does make me understand him a bit more,” Sam admitted. “And how you ended up together. He wasn’t always the way he is now.”

I sat up with a sigh. “No, he wasn’t. He didn’t used to be this particle of god that permeates all existence--or whatever he goes on about now.”

“It’s hard to imagine this guy turning into that guy.”

“Tell me about it,” I laughed. 

Sam sat up, kissing me. It was gentle, full of love.


	11. I Follow Rivers [Explicit Sex, Skippable]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I Follow Rivers" by Lykke Li
> 
> This chapter is entirely skippable, it is purely a sex scene chapter.

It didn’t take long for that kiss to evolve into something more. New relationships are exciting, intoxicating. It’s like you can never get enough of the other person. You want them all the time in any capacity that they’re willing to share themselves in.

Sam’s hands wandered under my shirt, lifting it up over my head. He tossed it somewhere across the room. I climbed on him, pushing him back gently. My one hand went for his pants and underwear, pulling them off as I broke away from kissing him. Before he was able to take control again, I took him into my mouth, my head bobbing. Sam gasped, gripping my hair. After a few minutes, he pulled me away from him, kissing me roughly and pushing me back so that I was laying on the bed. He began leaving a trail of kisses from my lips, down my jaw, then my neck, my breasts, and my stomach as he slid my underwear off. He spread my legs, his tongue colliding with my clitoris. My back arched as a moan left my mouth. His hands went around my hips, keeping me from squirming away. He continued to work with his tongue until my toes began to curl. Without stopping, he inserted two of his fingers, beginning to pump them. He started slowly, speeding up when my legs began to shake and my hips began to buck.

“Oh god,” I breathed, “Sam.” Release. I grabbed his face as he smirked at me, triumphant. I brought his lips to mine, inserting him into me and wrapping my legs around him. Our hips fell into a rhythm, building to a mutual climax. He reached down, stroking my clitoris. I lost control, causing him to lose control. He collapsed on me, his head on my chest. We were both sweaty and breathing heavily.

He pulled out of me, rolling over to lay beside me. Gently, he pushed some of my hair out of my face. He kissed me again. And again. And again. Sam got out of the bed, careful not to lean on me, and began leading me to the shower. The water turned on automatically, our hands and mouths already wandering each other. He backed me up to the back of the shower, lifting me so that I could wrap my legs around him as he inserted into me. I grabbed one of the shelves for leverage, though I didn’t need it. He did entirely all of the work this time. It’s so unfeminist, but I enjoy the domination. Someone else taking control like this drives me over the edge.

We did eventually shower.


	12. The End of the Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The End of the Dream" by Evanescence

The morning came sooner than I would have liked. I woke up before Sam but just laid there cuddled against him. Eventually, he also woke up. “Good morning,” I smiled at him.

“‘Mornin,’” he replied groggily. My smile got wider. “What?”

“I just love you is all.” He kissed my forehead.

“I love you, too.” He sat up, looking at his disconnected cufflink. He glanced at me sadly before putting it online. I did the same with mine. We were both flooded with emails and Sam’s immediately began to ring. Die-Hardman. He gave Sam some more information on crossing the tar belt while I got dressed. I poked Lou’s pod. Lou giggled, wiggling excitedly at me. I smiled.

“You’re the cutest fucking thing,” I cooed, putting my finger where Lou’s palm was pressed against the pod. My room is going to be lonely now. The thought made me sad but I tried to push it away. I’ll deal with that later. Sam came up behind me, his arms going around my waist as he buried his face in the hair by my neck, inhaling.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he mumbled. I laced my fingers with his one hand.

“I’m going to miss you, too. And Lou.” Lou blew a heart bubble at us. I helped Sam gather his things and went with him upstairs to the delivery terminal. We chatted idly as he put in orders to print the equipment he needed from the printer. The items slowly came down the conveyor belt. Once he had everything he needed to travel, it was time for him to go. I walked to the top of the ramp that leads out of the distribution center with him. Once we reached the top, we could see it was sunny. I continued to the edge of the facility, stopping just before I stepped off.

I turned to Sam, he was already looking at me. I put my arms around his neck while he put his arms around my waist. Lou giggled from in between us. I laughed, pulling away to touch Lou’s pod affectionately. Sam smiled as he tilted my chin up so that he could kiss me. He pulled me closer, the world fading away. He stared down into my eyes when we broke apart.

“I love you, Taylor.”

“I love you, too, Sam. Just come back.”

“I’m going to come back. I’m going to rescue Amelie and then I’ll be back.” He kissed me again, putting as much love as he could into it. I reciprocated, treasuring every moment we were allowed.

He pulled away from me, studying my face. He then looked over, realizing we had been watched. I followed his gaze to see three porters standing there grinning. They clapped, throwing several thumbs up at us. I laughed, my nose crinkling. They continued on inside.

Sam couldn’t help but chuckle. He kissed me on the lips again.

“I’ve gotta go now.”

“I know.” One more kiss and then he was leaving. I watched him leave. Just before he was out of sight, he turned around and waved. I smiled to myself, waving back. And then he was gone. I sighed, staring at the skyline for a few moments more before going back inside. I missed him already. But we both had work to do.

I went back down into the facility, stifling a yawn, and headed for the lab. There were several scientists working on things behind containment windows, separated from the technical side of the lab. I saw Lockne hunched over a keyboard, looking at the screen as if it were back talking her. I sat at the desk opposite hers so that I could face her.

“Oh good, I need a distraction,” she said in relief when she realized it was me. “I can’t figure this out and I need to just not stare at it. So I’m going to stare at you.”

“Okay, Die-Hardman wanted me to help you with whatever you need so I guess you can just stare at me.”

“I’m glad you’re so agreeable.” And then she legitimately just started staring at me.

“So,” she said after her bit was over. She sat back in her chair. “How’s Sam?”

“Heading to Heartman’s to cross the tar belt.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I have no idea what you mean,” I said coyly, signing on to the computer.

“Uh huh, I don’t buy that.”

“Okay, fine, he’s good.” I paused before trying not to smile. “Really good.”

“It’s always the quiet ones.” She stared at a picture on her desk.

“Mama told me,” I began awkwardly. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“So am I,” Lockne agreed. “But it brought Mama back to me. I don’t feel lonely anymore.”

“Everything works out how it’s supposed to,” I nodded.

“It does. Even if you can’t see how it’s supposed to until it does.”

Lockne and I ended up getting a fair bit done, designing and building some new schematics. Though Bridges had access to a fairly large arsenal of weapons, none of them were really large. So Lockne and I decided to design rocket launchers. It was about midnight whenever we got the first ones printed and tested. They passed.

I sent them off to all of the facilities, adding them to the queue for Edge Knot City so that Sam would be able to make them if he wanted to.

“I can’t work any more,” Lockne declared, stretching. I yawned.

“I can’t either. Dinner?”

“Yeah, let’s go grab some food.” We headed to the cafeteria. Nobody was working the food line but there was a buffet style warmer where those of us that stay up ridiculously late can grab some food to shovel in our faces.

I checked the emails on my cufflink while I shoved some chilli into my mouth. I had one from Sam. He had just gotten to the waystation by Edge Knot so he was settling in for the night. There hadn’t been an easy way to cross, so he had ended up triggering a catcher so that buildings from the other side would come up through the tar and allow him to cross to the other side. 

Well, fuck me, I could never do that, I thought reading that.

I was so engrossed in his story that I didn’t even realize Lockne had sat down across from me. I opened my email to reply, thankful that he was at least safe for now. Hopefully getting to Edge Knot isn’t as difficult as crossing the tar belt.

“Sam?” Lockne asked after I had turned the keyboard on my cufflink off.

“Yeah, he got across the tar belt. Crazy son of a bitch had to intentionally get caught by a catcher and then cross the tar belt by jumping from building to building as they came up from the other side.”

Lockne stared. “I’m glad that’s not me.”

“Me too. I could never do that. I’m a little bitch,” I laughed. She laughed with me. We finished our dinners and dragged ourselves back to our rooms. I collapsed onto my bed, not bothering to remove my shoes or any of my clothes. I was tired.

No new email from Sam.

I hoisted myself up into a sitting position, kicking off my boots. I crossed my legs and pulled up the files on Higgs.

Finally, I was beyond the early years. 

_ I think today might be different. I met someone. She’s so tiny but she’s so brave. She’s a few years younger than me, 19. Fresh faced and wide eyed. Her name is Taylor. Any time I’m with her, I just want the world to stop. I want to disappear with her and never worry about anything again. She has DOOMS, like me, but it’s not violent. She’s like a little bird. So beautiful but so helpless when the storm comes. _

I remembered meeting Higgs. I was so enamored by him. He had such control over his DOOMS. And he was sweet, always doing things for me. I continued reading.

_ I asked Taylor to be my girlfriend today. Stupid, isn’t it? The world is dying, the dead are causing voidouts, and I’m just nervous that she could’ve said no. But she didn’t. For some reason, she said yes. And she showed me how she sees the world. How she can just see through people to their core. It excites me but it worries me. She doesn’t know about my past yet. Doesn’t know why I’m even here in the first place. She doesn’t know I only wanted to talk to her because I found out she was special like me. I didn’t expect to fall in love with her. _

There were a few more entries until I was mentioned again. The others just detailed Higgs’ journeys as a porter.

_ I asked her to marry me today. I took her to our secret hot spring with a bottle of champagne. I waited until after she was naked, of course. What? You’ve seen her. I’d keep her naked if I could. But don’t tell her that, she’ll kill me. I’m gonna be a married man. Maybe then I’ll feel better. Maybe I won’t need any more power to my name than her. _

I flipped to the next entry.

_ I met someone stronger than me. Stronger than Taylor. I’m leaving my life behind as a Bridges’ porter. I’m joining Fragile Express. Fragile makes our powers look like child’s play. I want in on that. Today’s the last day anyone will ever see my face. The only one who gets to see it is Taylor. I can’t let her know about this. She’ll think I’m still working for Bridges. It won’t be very hard to pull the wool over the little lamb’s eyes. She wants children. I’ll give her that much so she doesn’t look very hard. _

Next entry.

_ Taylor found out I’ve been working for Fragile Express. I left my ID bracelet on the table and forgot about it. She was furious. I’ve never seen her so angry. We’ve been arguing more lately, though. She’s just so...needy. So willing to throw her love at me every chance she gets. I used to find it charming but now it’s just a distraction. I think she’s pregnant. She looks tired all the time. _

Next entry.

_ It’s been a few months since I’ve written anything. Things have been hard. Taylor was pregnant but she couldn’t keep the baby. I made it leave us. We had to go to South Knot City to have it removed before it went necrotic and killed everyone. I tried not to look at it, but Taylor couldn’t help but try to mother it as much as she could. Six years with her and I’m still surprised by how much she’s willing to love things, even when she has to let them go. _

Next entry.

_ I can’t do it anymore. Taylor won’t stop crying. She tries to hide it from me but I can hear it. I know she feels guilty she couldn’t keep the baby. Even named it. I can’t name it. It’s too hard. I’ve been fucking Fragile. I don’t love her, not the way that I loved Taylor. I don’t think I love anyone anymore. Not even me. I’m above that. But I met someone else. Someone stronger than Fragile. She gave me a bridge baby. I’ve been hiding it in the attic, away from Taylor. She’d try to mother the damn thing and I need it to stay connected to the other side. It gives me so much power. I’m going to leave. But, before I do, I have to fix the woman I broke. I’m going to transport her uterus to the Beach. She’ll never have to worry about pregnancy again. I’ll even take her to the doctor’s for confirmation so she doesn’t spend her whole life worrying. And then I have to destroy any notion of love she still carries for me. It has to be over. I can’t hold back just because I used to love her. Maybe I could have loved her more if things were different. I don’t think it would have mattered if she had had the baby. I’d still leave. I’m still going to leave. _

I could barely read through that entry before I started crying. So many different thoughts and feelings ran through my mind. Higgs is why I can’t have children? Higgs is why our baby died? I calmed down as much as I could, washed my face, and then pulled on my suit. I walked out of the distribution center, ignoring anyone that was still around, and began going over to where the Doctor’s shelter was. I needed answers. I don’t know if he can give them to me, but I need someone to give me answers. I’ve been carrying around this weight, thinking my body was defective because of me, but it was because of Higgs.

“You are thinking of me something fierce, darlin,’” a familiar voice said from behind me. I turned to see Higgs. For the first time in a long time, I was unafraid of him. I was furious. I clenched my fists, scooping the anger into the earth and hurling a rock at him. “Oh, I’m hurt. What kind of greeting is that?”

“You took everything from me,” I seethed. I felt the mental dam I had built up over the years to house my emotions break. Nothing was holding me back. It started to rain, lightning striking the ground near Higgs.

“Taylor, darlin,’ what are you doin?’ You need to calm down before you kill somebody.”

“The only one I want to kill is you.” I swung my fist through the air, the force of it collided with him even though he was about twelve feet away. He staggered backwards. His BB pod lit up, the odradek flashing warning signs. “You killed Katharine. You. It wasn’t me. You let me think it was me.” My voice broke as I screamed at him.

“Fuck.” Higgs teleported next to me, grabbing me, and then teleported with me.

I pushed away from him, we were on the Beach. I pointed my finger at him. “Where the fuck am I?”

“The Beach until you learn to calm down. Hang out with Amelie for a little while. She might help.”

And then he was gone. I screamed in rage, picking up a rock, and turning and throwing it out into the water. I fell to my knees, my hands going into my hair as I sobbed. I’m going to kill him.


	13. Lesson Learned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Lesson Learned" by My Indigo

I don’t know how long I was sitting like that before I felt a hand on my back. I turned to find Amelie staring at me sadly. She knelt down, rubbing my back. “I’m sorry, Taylor,” she murmured. “I can’t send you back. Higgs is keeping you here.”

“How the fuck did he get me here? I’m actually here. This is my body. It’s not just my soul,” I said angrily. I felt so helpless. And betrayed on many, many different levels.

“He’s tied to me,” she said sadly. “I can send you to a different beach. Your mother and father are with Katharine.” 

I shook my head. “Thank you, Amelie, but no. I’ll wait here. I did my grieving for Katharine and my parents. More grieving than I needed to for Katharine. I feel better knowing she’s with my parents.” A thought occurred to me. “Why do they share a beach?”

She hesitated. “They came into this world at the same time.”

“Higgs?”

“I’m so sorry, Taylor.”

I hid my face in my hands, unable to stop the tears. Higgs really did take everything from me. I had been told my parents were lost in an accident while they were doing some field research. The bodies were never found. Now I know that Higgs murdered them somehow. The same day that he took Katharine for me. I was so wrought with grief that I didn’t leave my room for days. It must have been easy for him to do whatever he wanted then. With Fragile. With the BB he hid from me. With...everything.

Amelie sighed, hugging me as I cried. She was comforting. Motherly.

“You’d be a great mother, Amelie,” I sniffed, wiping my eyes. She chuckled.

“Thank you, Taylor.” She sat on the ground next to me, watching the waves. And then she was gone. I looked around, trying to figure out where she had gone. Somehow I knew she wasn’t here anymore. Higgs had her. I noticed a photograph where she had been sitting. It was a picture of President Strand, Sam, and his wife. She had been pretty, I noticed. It looked like a bit of timefall had gotten onto the picture at some point. The picture was at least ten years old.

I smiled. Sam looked so uncomfortable to be having his picture taken.

“Sam,” I said aloud, falling backwards onto the rocky sand and staring up at the grey sky. 

Sam’s POV

_ “Sam.” _ I sat up straight. Taylor. The alarm for Edge Knot City was going off. An automated voice suggested preparing for combat. I checked my emails. No response from Taylor. It’s been over a day. She always responds within a few hours.

I got up and checked on Lou. The bridge mother network was down. Lou looked uncomfortable. I got dressed and went back up to the ground floor. There was some cargo sitting on the conveyor belt. A yellow cargo tag was tied to the rocket launcher.

_ Thought you could use this. X _

Taylor’s handwriting. The timestamp on the tag was shortly before her last email to me. I put it in my cargo carrier. I’ll worry about that later. For now, I have to figure out what the fuck is causing all of the alarms to go off.

As soon as I stepped outside, I saw it. There was a giant, solid BT walking towards the facility. “What the fuck,” I muttered to myself.

“Oh Sammy boy!” Higgs called. He’s  _ in _ that thing, I realized. And then I saw Amelie. She was sticking out of the chest of it, unconscious. “There you are! Haven’t heard from Taylor lately, have you?”

My teeth clenched when he mentioned her name. He doesn’t get to speak her name.

“She’s on the Beach,” Higgs all but giggled. “She tried to kill me when she found out what I did to her.” He whistled. “Good thing I took her away ‘cause nobody can fix what I’ve done.” He patted Amelie’s face. “Isn’t that right Amelie? You tried making her feel better, you perfect angel.”

“Get the fuck away from her. What did you do with Taylor?”

“I told you, she’s on the Beach. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure she knows where you are when I send you there.” 

Taylor’s POV

I fell asleep at some point. I was wandering through the Seam, looking at all of the strands around me. Sam. That was Sam’s body. I swam over to him, holding his face. He died. Higgs. It was so hard to think here. I tried focusing to see Sam’s strand. I found it. I swam over to it, grasping it firmly. It felt like he was with me. No. Not yet. I pulled against its struggling and pushed it into the chest of his body. His eyes opened, meeting mine briefly, and then he was gone. 

I was yanked out of the Seam and back onto the beach. I began coughing up tar water.

“You just can’t fucking stay put, can you?” Higgs growled, kicking me in the ribs. I winced, falling over on my back. I stared at him defiantly, saying nothing. “Sam could’ve stayed dead that time. Guess I’ll just have to take care of him here.” He ran his hand through his hair. “ _ You _ are infuriating.”

“Good,” I said coldly, glaring at him. He clenched his fists before just waving his hand at me angrily. I don’t remember anything after that.

“Taylor, wake up,” Amelie’s voice called to me out of the darkness. I groaned. My head was killing me. “Taylor. Wake up. Taylor.”

I opened my eyes. I was lying face up in some water. I heard gunshots in the distance. Amelie was strung up in some hardened strands of tar. She was looking at me worriedly. When she realized I was awake, she exhaled in relief.

“I was afraid Higgs killed you. He hit your head pretty hard against a rock.”

“I definitely feel like it.” I staggered to a standing position, holding my head. There was dried blood there. After a few moments, I staggered through the tar to Amelie. I tried pulling the strands off of her.

“I don’t think they’ll pull off. I think you’ll have to cut them.” I reached for my cufflink. Gone. Of course.

“What’s going on?”

I was so disoriented. It was hard to stand. I was using the strands for stability.

“Sam, he’s here,” Amelie said. Her blue eyes looked over to a rocky stretch of land. I pushed through the pain, trying to find them. Higgs was getting pissed. Sam was calm, collected. I attached my mind to Higgs, drawing strength from his rage. My head became clearer as I began to heal.

I stood up straight and began looking around. There was a ton of destroyed cargo laying around. Maybe I could toss it at Higgs and distract him. I pushed my way over to the shore, climbing out. I grabbed one of the small packages, crouching behind a beached whale. Higgs was hunting for Sam. 

“Hey asshole!” I yelled at Higgs. He turned in surprise. I threw the cargo as hard as I could. It hit him in the knee. He went down. Sam took the opportunity to tie him up with a strand. He hesitated. “Fucking kick him!”

Sam got a good jab into Higgs’ chest before Higgs got free. He teleported over to me, pushing me back at Amelie. One of my arms was captured by the tar strands holding her in the air. I tried struggling to get free. The more I struggled, the more the restraints spread. Eventually I just stopped, watching anxiously. Sam eventually got the upper hand. Higgs went down, unconscious. 

“Cut Amelie down,” I pointed to her. He nodded, beginning to cut her down. Before he could get more than one of her legs free, Higgs grabbed him and pulled him backwards. Sam retaliated by punching him in the face. 

This began the most nerve wracking five minutes of my life. They just stood there, waist deep in tar water, slugging each other for all they could manage. Higgs got the upperhand for a few seconds, taking a chunk out of Sam’s ear. Sam managed to knock him out in retaliation. He dragged higgs over to the land, tying him up. He came back into the water and successfully cut us down.

Fragile appeared, standing over Higgs. She had Lou in her arms. She handed him to Sam. “Managed to bring him by thinking he was cargo.”

“He’s all yours, unless you want him,” Sam looked at me.

“I want to talk to him,” I said. I looked at Fragile. “You owe me that much.”

She nodded before turning to Sam and Amelie. “I can take you back now.”

“No, I think we’ve got it from here. The UCA thanks you for your contribution.” Amelie does not like her. She turned to me. “I can send you back when you’re done. She handed me a quipu. “Just think about it when you’re holding this.” I nodded.

“Sam, before you go, I found this,” I said, holding out the picture. He took it, looking at it before putting it in his pocket.

“Thank you, Taylor.” I wanted to go to him, but I was rubbed raw. My head was a mess. So was my heart.

“What Higgs did,” Amelie said over her shoulder as she and Sam walked away, “it’s undone.”

“What?”

She smiled, linking arms with Sam, and dragging him away. Fragile looked at me. I was still staring after Amelie. That wasn’t possible. You can’t just return that stuff from the Beach to the living. I kicked Higgs in the ribs. “Get up.”

Higgs stirred, his blue eyes locking with my brown ones. “You stayed to watch the killing blow. I didn’t know you had it in you. Guess I put it there huh? Just like Katharine.”

I punched him in the nose. It broke with a satisfying crack. Blood began running down his face. He spit it out of his mouth.

“I deserve that.”

Fragile was silent, observing the scene before her. I don’t think she knew about any of this. Not many people know about Katharine.

“You killed my parents,” I said in his face. “And our daughter.” I grabbed his shirt and hit him again. Again. “That’s for them.” I headbutted him. “And that’s for me. You’re dead to me.” I turned to Fragile. “Do what you want with him. I’m gonna wait over there.”

“Wait,” Higgs said. “I did love you. As much as I could ever love anyone.” I didn’t turn back around to face him but I stopped. “I just didn’t love you enough to ever be satisfied. I could love anyone enough for that. Katherine is fine. She’s with your parents. I checked. Amelie wasn’t lying.”

I hadn’t realized I was crying. I closed my eyes.

“Goodbye, Higgs.”

I walked away until I couldn’t see them any more. I sat on the ground. The tears eventually stopped. A final gunshot rang out into the air. Higgs would never trouble me again.


	14. Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Your Ex-Lover Is Dead" by Stars

I sat on the beach for a long time. Fragile had already left. I played with the quipu in my hands, thinking. The smell of cigarette smoke broke me out of my thoughts. I looked up to find Cliff staring down at me. “You staying here forever?” he asked, sitting beside me, taking a drag.

This is...weird. But what isn’t weird lately?

“No,” I admitted finally. “I just don’t know where to go.” Sam is busy with Amelie and they deserve some time together. I don’t want to be with Fragile. I’m not sure I can take Lockne’s and Mama’s pitying stares. But I didn’t want to go back to my house. I was already reliving memories with Higgs in my head. I didn’t want to be in the place they took place in.

“Come on,” he said, standing. He held a hand out to me. I hesitated. “DOOMS is different here. You don’t have to be afraid.” I took his hand. He kept a hold of my hand as he walked with me. I felt safe. Like I always did with my dad. Dad. I turned to Cliff with a look of realization.

“Oh my god,” I breathed, looking at him but not letting go of his hand. He stopped with me.

“What?”

“You’re Sam’s dad. That’s why you keep getting Sam in the storms.”

“That’s impossible, my son is a BB.”

“Sam’s adopted. President Strand adopted him. You worked at Bridges before you died. Your files are buried deeper than any others I’ve seen. More than Higgs, who literally destroyed cities.” And me. But I’m less important than a city.

“No, that can’t be true,” he shook his head. But I could tell I planted doubt in his mind.

“You’re going to try again, I’m not naive enough to think you won’t,” I shook my head. It made too much sense. They had the same demeanor. The same way of saying nothing and everything at the same time. “Just look. Don’t think about it. Just look at him.”

He said nothing, continuing to walk while holding my hand. I walked with him. “You love him?”

“I do, so I’d appreciate you not killing him when you see him next.”

“If he’s my son, he’ll outdo me.” Stubbornness is a family trait apparently. He stopped, looking at me. “You look so much like my wife. You’re kind like her. But strong. Sam is lucky to have you, whether or not he’s my son. You have to go back. What’s stopping you?”

“I don’t know where to go.” As soon as I said it, I thought of something. I wanted to be where Higgs was staying. “I know some place.”

“Good, go there.” He kissed my forehead. “Stay safe.”

As soon as I touched the quipu, I found myself inside of a shelter. It smelled like pizza, beer, and Higgs. I was standing by the door so I headed further into the bunker. It was small. Three rooms. A closet, a bathroom, and a bedroom. The bedroom had a cot, a desk, a few shelves, and a lot of general shit just scattered around. Definitely Higgs. He and I used to squabble about his inability to be organized. He called it organized chaos.

There were photos of Sam all over the walls along with various scribbled thoughts from Higgs. I was in some of the pictures. Higgs had crossed Sam out of most of the pictures. Apparently the two of us together made him more angry than he let on. There were pictures of us from when we had first met. When we got married. And pictures of me alone after he left me. He never stopped keeping tabs on me. I sat in his chair at his desk, pulling the files he had laying around towards me. One on Fragile, Bridges, Sam, and me. I started with mine. Other than pictures, there was a handwritten note addressed to me.

_ Taylor, _

_ If you’re reading this, I’m probably dead by now. I imagine it was either you or Fragile that was the end of me. Sammy boy couldn’t handle that, could he? But if you found out what I did, you’d be able to. I killed your parents and our daughter. And I lied to you about all of it. I made sure you could never have another kid again. If it’s not my kid, it’s nobody’s kid. _

_ Sometimes I wonder if things had been different. If I’d have just let you keep it. Would I have been distracted enough to stop my plans with Amelie? Maybe I would’ve even tried to help Sam stop her. But I guess you wouldn’t be with Sam. You’d be with me. And Katharine. We’d probably live with your parents. Or they’d live with us. Your mom would help little Katharine like she helped you. Your dad and I would go fishing when I’m not making a delivery or saving the world. _

_ It could’ve all been different. You and me. Who I became. I like to think that, but it’s not the case. I would always become this version of me. A tool for Amelie to use. And I’d enjoy it just as much. But it would be worse because you’d have people to care about when the world ended. But goddammit if you didn’t thwart that plan like you thwart everything else. The world’s gonna end and you’ve still got someone to care about going home. _

_ I tried to break you in all the ways that I felt broken because I just couldn’t love you in the way that you loved me. I tried. I did. But I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t, love you enough. Don’t let anyone else treat you like I did. Don’t cry over them like you cried over me. Guess you still cry over me. I’m glad. Means you really loved me. And all the love I ever had I gave to you. But it wasn’t enough. _

_ Stay safe while the world ends, _

_ Higgs _

I hadn’t realized I was crying until a tear fell onto the paper. I put it back in the folder, holding my head in my hands. Higgs really was off the rails. But I couldn’t have stopped it. I can’t stop anything. The wind outside howled, sending shivers up and down my spine. There was a bad storm outside. 

The front door unlocked. I sat up straighter. What? That shouldn’t open from outside.

“Goddammit man,” I heard Sam growl as he closed the door behind him. I poked my head out of the office in surprise.

“Sam?”

“Taylor? What the hell are you doing here?” 

His arms were around me. I relaxed as I put my arms around him.

“I didn’t know where to go and I didn’t want to be around anyone else while you were with Amelie so I came here.” I hesitated. “That room is intense, as a warning.” He wiped my face with his thumb. “Higgs left a note, I’m okay. He at least gave me all the answers I wanted or needed and didn’t want.”

He followed me into the room, letting out a low whistle when he saw the state of things. “The particle that permeates all existence.”

“Yeah, he really lost it.” I crossed my arms uncomfortably. “Sam, I think Amelie is part of the reason why.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m on my way to Lake Knot City. I’ll have to take a boat back to Port Knot.” He hugged me. “God I’m glad you’re safe. Fragile has everybody at Central Knot but she said she couldn’t find you because you never came back from the beach.”

“I sat and thought for a while. Cliff showed up.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“What? No. He wouldn’t. He walked with me. And talked with me.”

Sam hesitated. “I saw Bridget on the beach. Die-Hardman showed up with a gun and pointed it at her. Then Cliff showed up and scared the shit out of him. I don’t know what happened next because Amelie threw me out of there so fast my head spun. I have to get back. I have to stop her. She’s going to cause the last stranding.”

“The last stranding?”

“End everything. She’s the final extinction entity.”

“That’s...a lot.”

“It is.” He kissed my head as he pulled me close, just holding me. “Anything you want from here?”

“Clearly all of these photos of you falling down a mountain,” I said, a smile growing on my face. I kissed him before he could reply. “Just the files. I’m sure Fragile will want hers. The Bridges one should be catalogued in digital files. There’s one for you, which is mostly just pictures and some receipts from you delivering him pizza. And mine is full of old pictures and a letter he wrote at some point before now.” He looked at me curiously. “You can read it after the world isn’t being destroyed.”

“Good call.”

I stuffed the files into a backpack I found laying around. Old school. And to think I found his pretentious love of old things charming when we met. Sam escorted me outside, making sure the hood on my sweatshirt was secured so I was protected from the timefall. He had a truck waiting. He helped me into it before struggling into the driver’s side.

“I’m impressed you know how to drive,” I admitted. He looked at me in confusion.

“You don’t know how to drive?”

I shook my head.

“Well that’s one thing to teach you if we live,” he shook his head. “I can’t believe you don’t know how to drive.”

“It’s not like there were roads most of my life. That was all your doing.”

“Fair enough.”

The rest of the drive was in silence, mostly because Sam had to concentrate on just being able to see. We were almost in the gates of Port Knot when a wind tunnel began to touch down. Sam tried to break and reverse but it was too late. The truck lifted into the air.


	15. Honest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Honest" by San Holo feat. Broods

The sound of gunshots pulled me back to consciousness. For a second, I thought I was on the beach with Amelie again. But I was in a jungle. There was a blanket on me and a fire beside me. I sat up, looking around curiously. I heard Cliff’s voice. Sam’s voice. I pushed myself to my feet, following the noises. I found a discarded handgun and grabbed it, just in case I needed it. 

The voices became more clear. I groaned, climbing the hill in front of me. Cliff was on his knees in front of Sam. He immediately noticed me. “Taylor,” Cliff said softly. Same turned, looking relieved. “I told you she was safe.” Then to me. “Well, where I left you was safe.”

“It was a cozy blanket, but I thought you both might be doing something dumb.” Cliff struggled to his feet.

“You were right,” he said, looking at Sam. I knew he was directing that statement at me though. He hugged Sam. “A bridge between worlds. You’re my bridge to the future.” 

The tar goo left him, his military garb transforming to a button up shirt and trousers. I smiled softly. He was finding peace. A gunshot rang out, pulling us out of that beach. We came out of it at Port Knot.

“You alright?” Sam asked. I nodded.

“You?”

“I’ve been worse.” I helped him stand, checking my cufflink.

“The network’s down but there might be some supplies in storage.”

“Good idea.” He allowed me to help him into the facility. He sat on the conveyor belt, taking out the used blood packs in his utility belt. Empty grenade cases next. He pulled up his shirt. A bullet had grazed him on his ribs.

“He shot you?”

“I mean, I shot him, too.”

I shook my head, digging through the backpack on my back. Higgs was paranoid. He’d have first aid supplies in case the network was down. And he did. I paused briefly. His wedding ring was tied to the front of it. No, there’s no time for that now. “This’ll sting. It’s old school antiseptic. I’m sure the Doctor is at Central Knot with everyone else, so he can do what I’m about to do better.” He looked at me. “You need stitches. You’re going to keep bleeding otherwise.”

“You know how to do that?”

“My mom was a doctor. So, yes, I know how to do stitches. And Higgs was paranoid, so I have a fully stocked first aid kit here.” I put my hand on his side as I began to stitch up his wound as gently as I could. “How’re you holding up?”

“I’m not that injured.” I looked up at him. He knew what I meant. “I don’t know. Amelie’s always been there for me.” I stared at him.

“No, I meant Cliff.” I squinted, studying his face. He didn’t have a reaction. “He didn’t tell you.” I tied off the stitching. “Cliff’s your dad.”

“No, that’s not,” he began but he stopped as realization dawned on his face. He pulled his shirt and suit back down. “So that’s what he meant.”

“Yup.”

“I’ll...deal with that later,” Sam shook his head. “We’ve got to get to Central Knot so you’re safe with everyone and I can get back to Amelie’s beach to stop her.” I nodded. I finished putting in the order for what he needed out of storage. It rolled down the conveyor belt. Some of the containers were a little worse for wear. “Good enough,” Sam decided. I shrugged. There wasn’t much I could do other than input the clearance codes for everybody’s lockers. I’m sure saving the world is a higher priority than security.

“We’ll have to continue on foot, doesn’t look like any cars or bikes are in storage.”

“That’ll take a few hours. We’d better get going.” I nodded.

We had a hard time navigating through the various BT territories, especially since the number of BTs out had tripled, but we managed to make it over the last hour before Central Knot easily enough. I wiped some sweat from my brow as Sam helped me navigate the rough terrain.

As we got closer to the facility, there was a loud moaning sound. “Sam, what the fuck is that?”

“I don’t know,” he said, following the giant whale floating through the sky. “But I think we should run now. And don’t stop running. No matter what.”

I nodded, immediately breaking into a dead sprint. I heard Sam behind me. For being much larger and stockier, he kept up really well. I wonder how many times he’s had to run from catchers or Mules. I hit a wall, flying backwards. Sam managed to catch me, sliding to a stop. 

“There’s a barrier. Why is there a barrier at the gate?”

Another moan as tar began to rise around our ankles.

“That, that’s why there’s a barrier. Great,” I answered myself. I was suddenly terrified. BTs, no problem. I’ve never had to fight a catcher. I’ve always been too careful.

“Stay close to me unless I tell you otherwise,” Sam said, grabbing my hand. “This way.” He began running across the tar until he got to a building, helping me up onto the roof before climbing up himself. He handed me an assault rifle. I nodded, aiming and opening fire on the giant catcher. Just enough to distract it from what Sam was doing. Immediately, he showed me up with a rocket launcher. Oh well, at least I helped invent that.

Its jaws opened and a chiral colored lazer started to fire from its fully opened jaws. We did not have time to move. I threw my hands out, forming a forcefield around Sam and I. When it was done, I fell to one knee. Sam looked at me but I waved him off. I was fine. Just struggling. Rage gave me limitless power. But it seems I was done being angry. Higgs gave me peace and it took that rage away.

“I can’t do that many more times.”

“Noted,” Sam said, throwing a grenade into its mouth as it tried again. I caught my breath again. I was out of ammo. A rocket launcher popped up through the tar. I held my hand out, willing it to come to me. It did. I broke open the case, lining up a shot.

“Duck.”

Sam dropped onto his stomach as I fired all four shots at once. The catcher screeched, not quite dead. Sam scrambled back up on his feet, throwing the rest of his grenades at it. The clouds began to clear as it wailed, turning to chiral crystals. The building started to sink back into the tar as it disappeared into the ground. 

Fuck me I’m tired.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked, helping me to my feet. I nodded. My powers are weaker now. I suddenly remembered Amelie telling me she had fixed me. I reached down and touched my stomach. She actually did it. “Are you going to vomit, I’ll hold your hair back.”

“No,” I shook my head with a smile. I kissed him. “Whatever happens, promise you’ll come back to me.”

“I’ll always come back to you,” he nodded. He was still confused but he wasn’t going to argue with me because he didn’t really know what to argue about. “C’mon, you don’t look so good.”

“I don’t feel so good,” I admitted. Sam helped me into the facility lobby. Heartman was waiting there with the Doctor.

“She’s going to pass out,” the Doctor said. And then everything went black.


	16. String Theory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "String Theory" by Doomtree

My eyes slowly opened, bright facility white filling my vision. My throat was dry. I looked around for the water I always kept beside my bed. I was in the infirmary. Private room. That means I’ve been here a while. Die-Hardman came into the room. In person.

“You’re awake,” he smiled. He wasn’t wearing his mask. I couldn’t feel him like I normally do.

“Sam was successful, he stopped Amelie.” He sounded sad.

“Where is he?”

“We haven’t found him yet.”

“No, he told me he was coming back. He promised me.”

“It’s not that simple. He’s stuck. Fragile, Deadman, and Heartman are all looking for him. Tomorrow will have been a month.”

“And this is why I didn’t want you to tell her,” Mama said, standing at the doorway. “They’re almost done for the day. We’re not going to stop until we find him.”

Mama sat on the bed and hugged me. “I’ll have the Doctor come check you out to make sure everything’s okay.”

“Forget that. Get me Fragile.” She looked at me. “I can find him. Get me Fragile.” I started getting up myself. She pushed me back down.

“Okay, I’ll go get her.”

“Make sure she brings her umbrella!”

About twenty minutes later, Fragile and Mama entered the room. I motioned Fragile over to me. “I can find him. I just need you to get me there. Unhook me.” Mama pulled the sensors off of me. Fragile held my hands. I cleared my mind, focusing as hard as I could on Sam.

“Focus,” Fragile said softly. “You love him. You. Love. Him. There!”

I felt the familiar sensation of travelling through the beach. I was in the water. The Seam. Someone was getting into the water. It was Sam. He looked all out of sorts. I propelled myself forward, reaching for his foot. Got it. I yanked him down into the water with me. Fragile pulled us out.

We fell onto the infirmary floor.

“She found him!” Mama called into her cufflink. “You can stop looking! She’s got him.”

And then the world went black again.

I woke up to someone stroking my hair. “Welcome back,” Sam said softly.

“Aren’t I supposed to be telling you that?” I asked groggily.

“You were a little short on blood. That’s why you passed out. I didn’t know you were anemic.”

“I’m not,” I replied. “I guess my body was struggling to compensate for a part that hasn’t been there for a while.” I sat up, leaning against him for support. “Amelie fixed me.”

“She fixed you?”

“Higgs was why I couldn’t have a child.” I hesitated before telling him what I found out and why Higgs had kidnapped me and kept me on Amelie’s beach. I told him about how Amelie said she undid what he did but I didn’t believe it. In turn, he told me about Amelie’s sacrifice to save the world. How she was also President Strand and neither of them at the same time. Her closing herself and the beach off to us largely eradicated DOOMS. BTs aren’t outside any more. The rain is just rain now. It was hard to believe.

Sam and I cleaned up and headed to the inauguration room. We watched Die-Hardman be sworn in as the next president of the United Cities of America. He promised to do his best with honor and integrity. And he said that those who were unnamed in the building of the UCA were still needed. Sam and I left during that part. I think he needs a break. And I’m definitely not staying in one of the main cities. Maybe we can build a shelter of our own together. We haven’t discussed it yet.

Deadman called after us before we got further than halfway down the hallway. “I found those files you wanted on Die-Hardman. The two of you, Mama, and I are the only ones with access. The same for the files on Clifford Unger and his wife, Lisa.” He leaned in, whispering. “Listen, I still don’t trust Die-Hardman. But if working with him is what it takes to rebuild the UCA completely, I’ll do it. Because I believe in this.”

Out of nowhere, Sam hugged him. I smiled. With his DOOMS gone, it seems like Sam is okay with contact from people other than me. I was happy for him and proud of him. Just then, Die-Hardman came out into the hallway, asking for a moment with Sam.

Sam nodded at me. I linked arms with Deadman, leading him away to give them some privacy. “There is one more thing,” Deadman said sadly. “Lou hasn’t been able to connect with a bridge mother since the network went down in Edge Knot City.” My heart sank. “We have his pod waiting for Sam. I figured he would want to do the honors.”

I nodded. “Yes. There’s no possible way that Lou can be saved?”

Deadman looked around to be sure we weren’t being watched before disconnecting our cufflinks. “There is, but it’s a direct breach of protocol. Die-Hardman put in the order to have Lou destroyed himself.” I stopped walking with him, standing up taller, anger crossing my face. “You could try opening the pod. It might bring little Lou back. But it also might not. It’s worth a shot.”

I turned on the heel of my boot, going back to where Die-Hardman and Sam were. Sam was walking away from a teary Die-Hardman. Though he was bigger than me, and stronger than me, I punched him right in the nose. Bridges Security immediately pulled rifles on me.

“Taylor, what the hell?” Sam questioned, surprised.

“You are an asshole,” I said, pointing my finger in Die-Hardman’s face as he waved down security. I pointed back at Sam. “Everything that that man has sacrificed and lost for this fucking country and you want to take more away?”

“I--”

“Oh no, I’m not done. We’re going to take BB-28. And we’re going to save Lou. I’m opening the pod if Sam won’t. You aren’t going to stop me.  _ He has sacrificed enough. _ ” One of the lights by Die-Hardman exploded into sparks, raining glass on the ground. “Cancel the order. Now.”

Die-Hardman said nothing, pulling up his cufflink and cancelling it.

“We’ll let you know when or if we’re interested in working with Bridges again.” I grabbed Sam by the arm, pulling him away.

“What the fuck just happened?”

“Lou hasn’t connected with a bridge mother in over a month. Die-Hardman gave the order to destroy him. I made him overturn it,” I said. “Deadman thinks opening the pod might help.”

Sam’s face was hard to read.

“If Lou doesn’t come back on his own, I think Amelie will send him back. She offered to send Katharine back if you and I were to have a child. So she can. I didn’t understand any of it until you told me that she  _ is _ the Beach.”

“Alright, let’s go.” I nodded. We took the elevator out of the facility. Deadman was waiting with Lou’s pod at the top. Fragile was also there. She was wearing an upgraded uniform with both Fragile Express and Bridges on it. So they finally extended the porter network.

“Let’s take him a little further from town. Just in case I’m wrong.”

Sam looked down at Lou’s lifeless form and nodded. He carried Lou’s pod as we began hiking out to the incinerator. We stopped about halfway there. He handed Lou’s pod to me. I unlocked it and handed it back. He pulled Lou’s tiny body out of the pod. Lou’s a girl. She remained still.

“C’mon Lou, come back to me,” Sam pleaded, rubbing some warmth into her. I watched silently, trying to reach Amelie like I had reached Sam from across the beach. 

_ God, please. _

Just as Sam began crying, Lou began to cry in return. He held her against him as it began to rain. Lou looked mildly disgruntled, reaching out one of her tiny hands to me. She grasped my finger as Sam pulled me against him. In her other hand, she was clutching a quipu.

_ Thank you, Amelie. _


	17. I See You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I See You" by MISSIO

“No, no, no, no,” I said, rushing over to Clifford as he tried to eat a rock. “Don’t eat this, Cliff. This isn’t food.”

“Ew, Clifford’s trying to eat a rock,” Louise giggled. I groaned, they were really trying me today. Where the fuck was Sam? I’m gonna murder him when he gets back.

“You tried to eat rocks, too,” I reminded her. Clifford giggled and flailed about happily. He had just turned one and a half a few weeks ago. Louise was five now. Normally I have the energy to keep up with them all day, but I was nearing the six months pregnant mark so I was just tired all of the time.

“Nuh uh,” Louise said, crossing her tiny arms in defiance and sticking her chin out. Dear lord, she may not have Sam’s genes but she’s definitely inherited  _ that _ face from him.

“Yeah huh,” Clifford chimed in, standing on his feet and waddling through the grass. Louise quickly forgot her argument and ran after him.

I sighed. Today is chaos. I tucked my hair behind my ear, watching them play.

“Daddy!” the children yelled in unison, pointing at Sam as he walked up the road to our shelter.

“Well go get him,” I laughed.

“C’mon, Cliff!” Louise grinned, holding his hand so he didn’t fall. Of course they’re perfect angels when Sam’s around. There was a hard kick to my stomach. I smiled, putting my hand there.

“Sorry,” Sam apologized, kissing me when he reached me. All thoughts of murdering him disappeared from my mind as soon as he was near me. Even after all of these years, he still manages to make everything okay just by being next to me.

“You missed Clifford trying to eat a rock,” I smiled.

“Nah uh, it Louise,” Clifford giggled. Louise looked panicstricken.

“No it wasn’t,” she protested.

“I dunno,” Sam smirked. “Cliff seems pretty sure it was you.”

“ _ Mom _ ,” Louise whined. She clung to my leg. I patted her on the head reassuringly.

“It’s okay, I know you didn’t try to eat  _ that _ rock,” I teased her. She looked up at me, her little green eyes indignant. 

“Hey!”

Sam picked her up and kissed her on the forehead. “We’re just teasing you, Lou.”

“I know, I just didn’t try to eat a rock.”

“We’ve all tried to eat rocks,” I reassured her. Sam looked at me.

“You tried to eat rocks? I never did that. I’m with Lou.” I smiled, wrinkling my nose at him. He laughed, putting Lou down, and then kissing me. Lou held Cliff’s hand again as we went into the shelter to put away the groceries and supplies Sam had just brought back. I was the last one at the door. I stopped, looking out at the sky. It looked like rain. But we don’t have to worry about the rain any more.

“Everything okay?” Sam asked, coming back over to me. I smiled at him, kissing him gently.

“Everything’s perfect.”


End file.
